[et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ fullwidth=”on” admin_label=”Fullwidth Post Title Header” _builder_version=”4.9.4″ background_color=”#f7f7f7″ use_background_color_gradient=”on” background_color_gradient_start=”rgba(255,255,255,0.3)” background_color_gradient_end=”rgba(33,51,101,0)” parallax=”on” custom_margin=”0px||0px||false|false” custom_padding=”0px|0px|0px|0px|false|false” box_shadow_style=”preset3″ global_module=”767″ saved_tabs=”all” locked=”on” collapsed=”on”][et_pb_fullwidth_post_title author=”off” date=”off” comments=”off” featured_placement=”background” text_background=”on” text_bg_color=”rgba(255,255,255,0.5)” admin_label=”Fullwidth Post Title” _builder_version=”4.9.4″ title_font=”Playfair Display|900|||on||||” title_text_align=”center” title_text_color=”#213365″ title_font_size=”55px” meta_font=”Poppins|500|on||||||” meta_text_align=”center” meta_font_size=”14px” meta_letter_spacing=”2px” meta_line_height=”1.8em” background_color=”#f7f7f7″ background_color_gradient_direction=”245deg” custom_padding=”130px||250px|||” custom_padding_tablet=”150px||150px” custom_padding_phone=”50px||50px” custom_padding_last_edited=”on|desktop” title_font_size_tablet=”45px” title_font_size_phone=”40px” title_font_size_last_edited=”on|phone” border_radii=”on|5px|5px|5px|5px” border_width_all=”1px” border_color_all=”RGBA(0,0,0,0)” box_shadow_style=”preset3″ locked=”on”][\/et_pb_fullwidth_post_title][\/et_pb_section][et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ admin_label=”Post Content” _builder_version=”4.9.0″][et_pb_row column_structure=”3_4,1_4″ admin_label=”Post Content” _builder_version=”4.9.0″][et_pb_column type=”3_4″ _builder_version=”3.25″ custom_padding=”|||” custom_padding__hover=”|||”][et_pb_text admin_label=”Introduction” _builder_version=”4.9.4″ text_font=”Poppins||||||||” hover_enabled=”0″ locked=”on” sticky_enabled=”0″]<\/p>\n
Are you unhappy with your mother’s choice of a new boyfriend? Is it something about HIM or is the issue more to do with how YOU feel about your mom moving on? <\/strong><\/p>\n
Maybe you feel that he isn’t good enough for your mom or he’ll never match up to your biological mom or dad. <\/strong><\/p>\n
You could even have genuine concerns about this new person in your mom’s life, and you’re concerned about how to go about telling her.<\/strong><\/p>\n
You aren’t alone. Lots of adult children feel upset, skeptical, and confused when either or both their parents find new partners no matter how their parents’ relationship ended.<\/p>\n
It is important to know that this is both normal and OK to feel like this.<\/p>\n
If you have not warmed to your mom’s new boyfriend or if it’s creating tension, your first step should be to take the time to understand why you’re feeling this way.<\/p>\n
It could be that you’ve been protective of your mom and are uncomfortable with this new guy taking such a big role in her life.<\/p>\n
You may have not chosen this type of person as a partner for your mom or you could have genuine concerns about his behavior or reputation.<\/p>\n
Your mom’s new boyfriend may be taking the place of a much-loved deceased parent. You may see him as competition or you could be having difficulty thinking about your mom as a sexually active person.<\/p>\n
If you are unhappy about your mom’s new love interest, your mom will probably be torn between wanting to keep you happy and seeking her own.<\/p>\n
Parents place a lot of value in their adult children’s acceptance and understanding in the same way that you seek their approval for your choice of partner.<\/p>\n
When you are unhappy with your mom’s new boyfriend, you may find yourself behaving differently. To help you gain clarity, first, ask yourself what the point of your behavior is- that is, what do you hope to gain by acting the way you are?<\/p>\n
Do you think your behavior will sway your mom’s decision? Do you have a genuine dislike for this person and why? Are your concerns based on an observation of concerning behavior on his part or are they based on your feelings?<\/p>\n
Try to work on your negative feelings and disapproval. Look past his shortcom\u00adings and focus on the things you do like about him.<\/p>\n
Accept that you may not like him straight away but with time, space and positivity you may grow to like, even love, your mom’s new boyfriend.<\/p>\n
We recommend that you keep the lines of communication wide open whilst you’re working through this.<\/p>\n
Whether you want to voice more serious concerns, or you need to explain to your mom that you need time to accept what is happening, we’ve written these four ways to kindly tell your mom that you don’t like her new boyfriend:<\/strong><\/p>\n
[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_image src=”https:\/\/www.nevertherightword.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/10\/egocentric-man-never-right-word-scaled.jpg” admin_label=”Single Image” _builder_version=”4.4.8″ custom_css_main_element=”}||.wrapper {||position: relative;||height: 0;||\/* Formula is: (height \/ width * 100%) *\/||padding-top: calc(420 \/ 800 * 100%);||}||||.wrapper__img {||position: absolute;||top: 0;||left: 0;||max-width: 100%;||height: auto;” border_radii=”on|5px|5px|5px|5px” box_shadow_style=”preset3″ locked=”on”][\/et_pb_image][et_pb_divider _builder_version=”3.21.2″ locked=”on”][\/et_pb_divider][et_pb_text admin_label=”Template 1″ _builder_version=”4.9.4″ text_font=”Poppins||||||||” header_font=”||||||||” header_2_font=”||||||||” hover_enabled=”0″ header_2_font_size_tablet=”” header_2_font_size_phone=”26px” header_2_font_size_last_edited=”on|phone” locked=”on” sticky_enabled=”0″]<\/p>\n
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\nI\u2019m really sorry, I know he means a lot to you, but I just don\u2019t really like your new boyfriend. [Insert reasons here] OR: I can\u2019t quite put my finger on it; it\u2019s just that he makes me uncomfortable.<\/strong><\/h5>\n<\/blockquote>\n
When it comes to dealing with your parent\u2019s new partners, it\u2019s best, to be honest. Your parents will appreciate your honesty, and will generally really value your opinion.<\/p>\n
Don\u2019t be shy about telling your mom that you don\u2019t like her new boyfriend; if she didn\u2019t care about what you thought, she wouldn\u2019t have asked!<\/p>\n
You don\u2019t necessarily need to give her an exact reason, either, because sometimes you just can\u2019t tell what it is that you don\u2019t like about someone.<\/p>\n
The best part about this script is that it allows you to either be completely and brutally honest with your Mom by telling her exactly what you don\u2019t like about her boyfriend or to give her a generalized yet thorough enough reason that won\u2019t prompt further questioning.<\/p>\n
This is a tactful response to a difficult circumstance. You won\u2019t be aggravating the situation in any way, as it is polite and diplomatic.<\/p>\n
If you do choose to reason that your Mom\u2019s new boyfriend makes you uncomfortable, she will likely steer away from \u2018forcing\u2019 the two of you to bond in the future.<\/p>\n
Another great reason to use this conversational template is that it gives you a chance to be apologetic to your Mom.<\/p>\n
We know that you shouldn\u2019t have to apologize for simply not liking someone, but in situations such as these where it might be important to your parents, it can really help to smooth things over if you act remorseful \u2013 it shows that you WANT to like him, or that you might be willing to invest more time into building a relationship.<\/p>\n
[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_image src=”https:\/\/www.nevertherightword.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/10\/vain-man-never-right-word-scaled.jpg” admin_label=”Single Image” _builder_version=”4.4.8″ custom_css_main_element=”}||.wrapper {||position: relative;||height: 0;||\/* Formula is: (height \/ width * 100%) *\/||padding-top: calc(420 \/ 800 * 100%);||}||||.wrapper__img {||position: absolute;||top: 0;||left: 0;||max-width: 100%;||height: auto;” border_radii=”on|5px|5px|5px|5px” box_shadow_style=”preset3″ locked=”on”][\/et_pb_image][et_pb_divider admin_label=”Divider” _builder_version=”3.21.2″ locked=”on”][\/et_pb_divider][et_pb_text admin_label=”Template 2″ _builder_version=”4.9.4″ text_font=”Poppins||||||||” header_font=”||||||||” header_2_font=”||||||||” hover_enabled=”0″ locked=”on” sticky_enabled=”0″]<\/p>\n
Method 2 | Explain That It\u2019s A Trust Issue<\/strong><\/h2>\n
<\/p>\n
\nHey, Mom, I\u2019m glad that you\u2019ve found someone that you really like! I personally don\u2019t really trust him, so I can\u2019t really warm up to him just yet. I\u2019m glad that you\u2019re happy, though!<\/strong><\/h5>\n<\/blockquote>\n
It\u2019s hard to like someone if you don\u2019t trust them, and sometimes it\u2019s harder to explain why you don\u2019t trust someone.<\/p>\n
Building up a trust can take a LOT of time, so it\u2019s completely understandable that you might not be there yet. If this is the case, don\u2019t worry \u2013 this tactful response is an ideal way to let your Mom know.<\/p>\n
To start with, you\u2019re immediately expressing that you\u2019re happy for your Mom. This should let her know straight away that you don\u2019t want there to be any hard feelings or hostility, and that you\u2019re genuinely pleased for her!<\/p>\n
You\u2019ll be effectively setting a positive, friendly tone for the remainder of the conversation.<\/p>\n
As you acknowledge that you PERSONALLY don\u2019t trust him, you\u2019re also making it very clear to your Mom that you don\u2019t expect her to change her opinion or share your own.<\/p>\n
By saying that you can\u2019t warm up to him just yet, you\u2019re not eliminating the possibility that you\u2019ll never like her boyfriend, implying that you might grow to like him in the future \u2013 this should alleviate any concerns that your Mom might have towards the relationship.<\/p>\n
At the end of the conversation, it\u2019s important to make sure that you remind your Mom that you really are happy for her. It will reassure her that there doesn\u2019t need to be any negativity whatsoever!<\/p>\n
[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_image src=”https:\/\/www.nevertherightword.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/10\/divorce-never-right-word-scaled.jpg” admin_label=”Single Image” _builder_version=”4.4.8″ custom_css_main_element=”}||.wrapper {||position: relative;||height: 0;||\/* Formula is: (height \/ width * 100%) *\/||padding-top: calc(420 \/ 800 * 100%);||}||||.wrapper__img {||position: absolute;||top: 0;||left: 0;||max-width: 100%;||height: auto;” border_radii=”on|5px|5px|5px|5px” box_shadow_style=”preset3″ locked=”on”][\/et_pb_image][et_pb_text admin_label=”Copyright and Affiliate Links Notice” _builder_version=”4.9.4″ text_font_size=”16px” text_line_height=”1.8em” global_module=”10507″ locked=”on”]<\/p>\n
Illustrations courtesy of <\/i>Shutterstock<\/strong>.<\/i><\/span><\/a><\/p>\n
This article was originally published on <\/i>https:\/\/www.nevertherightword.com<\/i><\/span><\/a><\/strong>. If this article appears on any other site other than <\/i>https:\/\/www.nevertherightword.com<\/i><\/span><\/a><\/strong> without clear referencing it is a violation of the copyright owned by <\/i>https:\/\/www.nevertherightword.com<\/i><\/span><\/a><\/strong>.<\/i><\/p>\n
This article may contain affiliate links. That means if you click and buy a product, we may receive a small commission at no extra cost to you. <\/span><\/em>Never the Right Word is a participant in the Awin Affiliates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to participating merchants.<\/span><\/em>\u00a0For more information, please view our <\/span><\/em>Privacy Policy and Earnings Disclosure page.<\/em><\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n
Method Template 3 | You Don\u2019t Really Know Him Yet<\/strong><\/h2>\n
<\/p>\n
\nI\u2019m not really sure if I like him yet. I don\u2019t know him, so I don\u2019t really know what he\u2019s like. I\u2019m happy to spend more time to try and warm up to him, but only if he\u2019s willing to put the same effort in.<\/strong><\/h5>\n<\/blockquote>\n
This is a crafty response that really utilizes the elusive benefit of the doubt. It doesn\u2019t quite let your Mom know that you don\u2019t like her new boyfriend, but at the same time, you\u2019re not saying that DO like him, either\u2026<\/p>\n
The best part of this script isn\u2019t that it doesn\u2019t actually confirm a dislike for your Mom\u2019s partner, but that you\u2019re willing to compromise and get to know him.<\/p>\n
It will be important to your Mom that you like her new boyfriend. If you know that you don\u2019t like him, it might be better to simply say you\u2019re not sure about him yet, or that you don\u2019t know him well enough to decide.<\/p>\n
This will give the impression that you haven\u2019t made your mind up, or that there\u2019s still time to decide.<\/p>\n
Another great reason to use this script is that it allows you to set boundaries: you\u2019re telling your Mom that you want to get to know her Boyfriend, or that you\u2019re not against getting to know him, whilst making it clear that you will only try to build a relationship if he does too.<\/p>\n
[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_image src=”https:\/\/www.nevertherightword.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/10\/divorce-heartbreak-never-right-word-scaled.jpg” admin_label=”Single Image” _builder_version=”4.4.8″ custom_css_main_element=”}||.wrapper {||position: relative;||height: 0;||\/* Formula is: (height \/ width * 100%) *\/||padding-top: calc(420 \/ 800 * 100%);||}||||.wrapper__img {||position: absolute;||top: 0;||left: 0;||max-width: 100%;||height: auto;” border_radii=”on|5px|5px|5px|5px” box_shadow_style=”preset3″ locked=”on”][\/et_pb_image][et_pb_divider admin_label=”Divider” _builder_version=”3.21.2″ locked=”on”][\/et_pb_divider][et_pb_text admin_label=”Template 4″ _builder_version=”4.9.4″ text_font=”Poppins||||||||” header_font=”||||||||” header_2_font=”||||||||” hover_enabled=”0″ header_2_font_size_tablet=”” header_2_font_size_phone=”26px” header_2_font_size_last_edited=”on|phone” locked=”on” sticky_enabled=”0″]<\/p>\n
Method 4 | You Don\u2019t Have An Opinion<\/strong><\/h2>\n
<\/p>\n
\nI mean\u2026 I don\u2019t particularly like him, but I don\u2019t dislike him, either\u2026<\/strong><\/h5>\n<\/blockquote>\n
Whilst this is quite similar to the script above, this one claims complete neutrality. Whilst you\u2019re saying that you don\u2019t have an opinion, you are alluding to the fact that you\u2019ve already gotten to know your Mom\u2019s new boyfriend, and you still don\u2019t have an active opinion.<\/p>\n
This script is good for a couple of reasons. The first one is that you\u2019re being completely upfront about the fact that you don\u2019t necessarily like your Mom\u2019s new boyfriend, but at the same time, you don\u2019t have any negative opinions of him, either.<\/p>\n
The second is that this script implies that you\u2019re not ready to further your own relationship with him; whilst the above script gives you the opportunity to lay out some necessary boundaries in order to begin to get to know your Mom\u2019s boyfriend, this one does the opposite.<\/p>\n
You can openly, factually, and diplomatically state that you\u2019re completely neutral towards him and that you\u2019re perfectly content for it to stay that way.<\/p>\n
This is an ideal script to use if you know that you won\u2019t have much interaction with your Mom or her boyfriend, such as if you\u2019re a student studying away from home or if you live in a different city.<\/p>\n
[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_image src=”https:\/\/www.nevertherightword.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/10\/family-playing-never-right-word-scaled.jpg” admin_label=”Single Image” _builder_version=”4.4.8″ custom_css_main_element=”}||.wrapper {||position: relative;||height: 0;||\/* Formula is: (height \/ width * 100%) *\/||padding-top: calc(420 \/ 800 * 100%);||}||||.wrapper__img {||position: absolute;||top: 0;||left: 0;||max-width: 100%;||height: auto;” border_radii=”on|5px|5px|5px|5px” box_shadow_style=”preset3″ locked=”on”][\/et_pb_image][et_pb_divider admin_label=”Divider” _builder_version=”3.21.2″ locked=”on”][\/et_pb_divider][et_pb_text admin_label=”Conclusion” _builder_version=”4.9.4″ text_font=”Poppins||||||||” hover_enabled=”0″ locked=”on” sticky_enabled=”0″]<\/p>\n
At Never the Right Word, our aim is to give you practical examples of how to handle life\u2019s difficult conversations. If you have an awkward situation that you\u2019d like example templates for, request a topic here<\/b><\/span><\/a>.\u00a0\u00a0<\/b><\/p>\n
If you\u2019re interested in further reading, we\u2019ve also included links to our trusted resources and related posts below. To find out more\u00a0about NTRW<\/b><\/span><\/a>\u00a0and\u00a0our\u00a0recommended tools<\/b><\/span><\/a>,<\/b> you can do that\u00a0here<\/b>.<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n
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