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Children over a certain age should understand that stealing is wrong, but there are instances where they haven’t quite gotten the concept. Here’s the best way to teach kids not to take things that aren’t theirs.<\/p>\n
There are cases where a toddler grabs something off a store shelf without realizing it\u2019s wrong to do so. However, most kids who steal do so intentionally. There are many reasons why a child may choose to steal, and your first step as a parent should be to try and understand them.<\/p>\n
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\nSo, how do you fix your kid’s ‘sticky fingers’?<\/h5>\n
Find ways to help them understand why it’s wrong and how annoying it is when something is stolen from you. Have\u00a0<\/span>them<\/span><\/em>\u00a0return whatever they took\u2014if they can\u2014and make amends for their own actions. <\/span><\/strong><\/h5>\n
To avoid making the situation ten times worse, don’t sugarcoat the implications of their actions. <\/span><\/strong>Meaning, don’t call your child’s stealing anything other than what it is, (it’s not borrowing), or put the blame someone other than your child. <\/span><\/strong><\/h5>\n
If you can help your child understand what it feels like having someone steal from them (downright infuriating), they’re unlikely to repeat their mistake.<\/span><\/strong><\/h5>\n<\/blockquote>\n
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Let Them Experience The Consequences!<\/strong><\/h2>\n
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For any responsible parent, it\u2019s second nature to be embarrassed when your child has done wrong. It will be tempting to protect your child, and yourself, from the shame of their actions. You may want to sweep the whole thing under the rug and just quietly return the item.<\/p>\n
Although it\u2019s fine to avoid a big public fuss and return the item quietly, you should never shield your child from the repercussions\u2014and yes, the shame\u2014of what they\u2019ve done. You cannot and should not protect your kids from everything, especially when it\u2019s the result of something they did wrong. Shame is natural and healthy when it\u2019s a result of our own mistakes; it teaches us not to repeat the mistake.<\/p>\n
Allow your child to experience the shame. Only by seeing and feeling the adverse results of stealing will they begin to understand why they shouldn\u2019t do it. It\u2019s important that they be the ones to return whatever they\u2019ve stolen.<\/p>\n
[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_image src=”https:\/\/www.nevertherightword.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/01\/young-chinese-child-never-right-word.jpg” admin_label=”Single Image” _builder_version=”4.4.8″ custom_css_main_element=”}||.wrapper {||position: relative;||height: 0;||\/* Formula is: (height \/ width * 100%) *\/||padding-top: calc(800 \/ 800 * 100%);||}||||.wrapper__img {||position: absolute;||top: 0;||left: 0;||max-width: 100%;||height: auto;” border_radii=”on|5px|5px|5px|5px” box_shadow_style=”preset3″ locked=”on”][\/et_pb_image][et_pb_divider admin_label=”Divider” _builder_version=”3.21.2″ locked=”on”][\/et_pb_divider][et_pb_text admin_label=”Template 2″ _builder_version=”4.4.8″ text_font=”Poppins||||||||” header_font=”||||||||” header_2_font=”||||||||” locked=”on”]<\/p>\n
Your Child Stole, Not You<\/strong><\/h2>\n
<\/p>\n
Your child\u2019s actions were wrong, and they need to be held to account for them, but you should also remember that they\u2019re still learning about life. Don\u2019t put them down or tell them how bad a person they are. They will most likely be tearful or sullen, and balk at the idea of giving back what they took because they\u2019re embarrassed. This embarrassment is natural, and you shouldn\u2019t try to brush it off or take the burden away.<\/p>\n
As a parent, it may be painful to watch your child struggle with their shame. Don\u2019t let it worry you too much; embarrassment is a healthy part of the lesson. Tell your child directly that your love for them hasn\u2019t changed, but you are disappointed by their actions. After you\u2019ve established this, let them know that they will now need to go with you and give the stolen item(s) back if possible.<\/p>\n
In a situation where the stolen item can\u2019t be given back (for example, candy that was already eaten), go with them to apologize for the theft. Have them offer reparations to the person they stole it from.<\/p>\n
What type of reparations are needed will depend on the circumstances and the people involved. If whatever your child has stolen can be given back, they will need to return whatever was taken with their own<\/em> hands. You can\u2019t do this on their behalf. Your child must do it. This may seem like quibbling, but there is significance in the act of handing the item back to its rightful owner, and it will help your child to better internalize what is happening.<\/p>\n
In addition, having them go through these steps for themselves will aid in their learning. Some lessons are best taught through experience. Though not always a gentle teacher, there are times when personal experience is most successful at providing the necessary impact. \u00a0Once in a while, a child needs to come face to face with the hard facts of life.<\/p>\n
Once your child has returned their ill-gotten gains, they will begin to feel better. However, you shouldn\u2019t expect them to be happy about returning what they stole. Many children will be angry with you, the authority figure who made them face embarrassment and give the item back. Give them time and don\u2019t expect them to thank you, or to be their usual cheerful self right away.<\/p>\n
When teaching your child a serious lesson, like not to steal, their immediate happiness is not what\u2019s important. The happiness of their future self should be your goal. No matter how painful it is to watch your child suffer, whatever unhappiness they feel now will be for their benefit in the coming years.<\/p>\n
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Illustrations courtesy of <\/i>Shutterstock<\/strong>.<\/i><\/span><\/a><\/p>\n
This article was originally published on <\/i>https:\/\/www.nevertherightword.com<\/i><\/span><\/a><\/strong>. If this article appears on any other site other than <\/i>https:\/\/www.nevertherightword.com<\/i><\/span><\/a><\/strong> without clear referencing it is a violation of the copyright owned by <\/i>https:\/\/www.nevertherightword.com<\/i><\/span><\/a><\/strong>.<\/i><\/p>\n
This article may contain affiliate links. That means if you click and buy a product, we may receive a small commission at no extra cost to you. <\/span><\/em>Never the Right Word is a participant in the Awin Affiliates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to participating merchants.<\/span><\/em>\u00a0For more information, please view our <\/span><\/em>Privacy Policy and Earnings Disclosure page.<\/em><\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n
Why Kids Get ‘Sticky Fingers’<\/strong><\/h2>\n
<\/p>\n
There are any number of reasons why a child might be stealing. They might be curious as to how much they can get away with, or thrilled by having such a big secret. It could also be a result of emotional turmoil, caused by something that\u2019s happening in their lives.<\/p>\n
Stealing may also be caused by a lack of attention<\/strong> in a child\u2019s life. They may steal because their parents are always busy with work or other life circumstances, or because of a divorce which has uprooted the family. Poverty or jealousy over what classmates or friends have can also be a cause. They may simply feel that they aren\u2019t getting enough of the things they want.<\/p>\n
In regards to attention-seeking, children who compulsively steal may be unaware of their parents\u2019 feelings for them, or may be feeling neglected. In cases such as these, it is imperative to address these feelings as well as the stealing itself. The child will need to be reminded that their parents do care, that they have not been forgotten, and that whatever is happening in the family does not detract from the child\u2019s own worth.<\/p>\n
Divorce is hard on the entire family, but it can especially difficult for small children. Because children can understand that divorce is a significant change that calls their parent’s attention, stealing can be a side-effect of divorce.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\n<\/p>\n
Teaching Kids About Stealing<\/strong><\/h2>\n
<\/p>\n
Much of the time when small children steal, they do so without knowing what effects stealing has on others. Whether before or after the theft, they need to be taught how taking that item will affect everyone around them.<\/p>\n
1 | Don’t just pat your child on the head and tell them not to do it in future. Explain that stealing is wrong, and tell them how it hurts others.<\/strong><\/h5>\n
2 | Give them a consequence. Without the correct repercussions, the stolen items may keep getting bigger as your child gets older.<\/strong><\/h5>\n
Address these three essential ideas when teaching your child not to take what isn’t theirs:<\/p>\n
1 | Stealing doesn\u2019t just affect you\u2014it also hurts others.<\/strong><\/h5>\n
2 | You\u2019ll feel better after taking responsibility for what you\u2019ve done, even when it’s hard.<\/strong><\/h5>\n
3 | There are unavoidable consequences of stealing, and lying, that will get worse as you grow older.<\/strong><\/h5>\n
All of these things are hard to learn but essential to understand. Your child needs to know, and take seriously, these three facts about stealing. It may take a while to teach them, but it\u2019s important that they understand.<\/p>\n
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How Do I Teach A Young Child Not to Steal?<\/strong><\/h2>\n
<\/p>\n
Here are some things you could say to a child to help them understand that stealing is bad. These are just a few suggestions you can build on, so you have an idea of where to start.<\/p>\n
\nIf a friend offers you a toy\/item to keep, make sure you ask their mom if it\u2019s all right to keep it first.<\/strong><\/h5>\n<\/blockquote>\n
\nIt\u2019s wrong to just take things that aren\u2019t ours, even when we really want them. How would you feel if someone took one of your things?<\/strong><\/h5>\n<\/blockquote>\n
\nIf you want something, ask me first. I\u2019ll only say no when I have a good reason. Mommy and Daddy only get a small amount of money every month, and we have to use it for food and the other things our family needs. (Here you might show the child your wallet.] After this money is gone, I can\u2019t buy anything else this month, but we might be able to come back and get what you wanted later.” (Make a note of it on the grocery list so your child knows you mean it.]<\/strong><\/h5>\n<\/blockquote>\n
\nDon’t take anything from a store until you ask Mommy or Daddy and we tell you it\u2019s okay. [This can be substituted with another guardian as needed.]<\/strong><\/h5>\n<\/blockquote>\n
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\n\u00a0<\/h2>\n
Children Need to Be Reminded That Stealing is Wrong<\/strong><\/h2>\n
<\/p>\n
You may end up feeling like a broken record after all the times you\u2019ve repeated yourself, but it\u2019s necessary. Even when it looks like your efforts are getting no results, the message is inside your child\u2019s brain somewhere. You just need to access it.<\/p>\n
One good way to make an impression is to let someone else catch them stealing. Some children are very confident in their parents\u2019 unending love for them, and this is a good thing, but they may sometimes take advantage of it.<\/p>\n
Instead of coming to your child\u2019s rescue when you know, they\u2019re stealing, allow them to be caught. Better yet, orchestrate it in a controlled manner.<\/p>\n
This may sound cruel, but it\u2019s no more so than allowing them to continue stealing until they really get into trouble. One of the best ways to express your love for a child is by letting them experience the ups and downs of life.<\/p>\n
Being caught by someone other than you will give them a glimpse of what real life is like\u2014while they are still safely under your care.<\/p>\n
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How to Control Your Emotions When You Feel Let Down by Your Child<\/strong><\/h2>\n
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It\u2019s natural to be angry when your child does something wrong, like stealing. However, the more you understand what influence your reaction will have on your child, the easier you will find it to stay calm.<\/p>\n
It won\u2019t be comfortable for you to stay calm, but it’s possible. All you have to do is remember that your child is learning. What they did is wrong, but they\u2019re still young and impressionable. What<\/em><\/strong> you teach them now, and how<\/em><\/strong> you teach it, will mold their future.<\/p>\n
Imagine that your child has taken something that isn\u2019t theirs, for practically the hundredth time. You have to teach them not to steal all over again. You\u2019re exasperated, angry, and unsure how to react.<\/p>\n
There are a few options for ways you could react. We’re going to mention only the two most common reactions:<\/p>\n
1 | You can get angry, yell at them, and make them go to their room.<\/strong><\/h5>\n
2 | You can take a deep breath, sit them down, and tell them to wait. When you feel more able to handle the situation, go back and discuss the issue in a calm, controlled manner.<\/strong><\/h5>\n
While number one may be tempting, number two is the better option. If you\u2019re frustrated and upset by your child’s problems, you\u2019re allowed to take a time out. No rule says you need to respond on the spot. Giving yourself time to calm down lets you respond the way you want to, instead of the way your anger makes you. Besides, making your child sit and wait for you to calm down allows them to think about what they’ve done wrong.<\/p>\n
Make them aware of how disappointed you are in their behavior. Explain to your child how sad and frustrated you feel when they keep stealing<\/strong>. Tell them that you know how good they can be. Explain how proud you are of them when they do good things, and how sad it makes you when they do what they know is wrong.<\/p>\n
Depending on your child, this tactic can be golden. Young children care about what you think and how you feel about them. They are impressionable, as we said earlier. Your happiness or sadness still affects them. When your child moves on to adolescence, everything will change\u2014but at this young age, you generally have a solid pull.<\/p>\n
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At Never the Right Word, our aim is to give you practical examples of how to handle life\u2019s difficult conversations. If you have an awkward situation that you\u2019d like example templates for, request a topic here<\/b><\/span><\/a>.\u00a0\u00a0<\/b><\/p>\n
If you\u2019re interested in further reading, we\u2019ve also included links to our trusted resources and related posts below. To find out more\u00a0about NTRW<\/b><\/span><\/a>\u00a0and\u00a0our\u00a0recommended tools<\/b><\/span><\/a>,<\/b> you can do that\u00a0here<\/b>.<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n
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