So how do you help a child when they are the bully? What steps can you take?<\/h5>\n
Kids may bully others because of past or present abuse, bad treatment by older siblings, or because they have been or are being bullied themselves. <\/strong><\/h5>\nIn many cases, children become bullies because they\u2019ve been hurt or vulnerable before, and this feels like a way to shield themselves. <\/strong><\/h5>\nIf they create a frightening reputation and intimidate others, they won’t be hurt like they otherwise might. <\/strong><\/h5>\nBullying is often a result of emotional or physical damage to the bully themselves.<\/strong><\/h5>\n<\/blockquote>\nThere are many ways you can develop your child’s self-esteem and help them to handle being bullied, inside or outside the home, without passing it on to others.<\/p>\n
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What Motivates a Child to Bully Others?<\/strong><\/h2>\n <\/p>\n
This may seem like a strange thing to address, but it’s essential to recognize that children don’t turn to bully simply because they\u2019re “bad.” Exhale a sigh of relief!<\/p>\n
“Kids engage in all kinds of behavior that isn’t a reflection of who they are,” states Dr. Jamie Howard, who directs the Stress and Resilience Program at medical non-profit the Child Mind Institute, which studies and raises awareness of children\u2019s mental health. Children who bully others may simply be making mistakes as they figure out their role within their social structures. It\u2019s entirely possible for a child who is otherwise well-behaved to be regularly harassing other children.<\/p>\n
Some bullies have no purpose for the behavior other than personal enjoyment. However, especially with children, it\u2019s more likely that they\u2019re acting out for a specific reason. Though they might not seem obvious to an adult, there are a lot of reasons why one child would bully another, or many kids might bully one.<\/p>\n
In most cases, this type of behavior is not as black and white as it may seem. Bullying usually reflects something wrong inside the bully, rather than just on the outside.<\/p>\n
Some of the reasons behind bullying behavior may include:<\/strong><\/h5>\n\n- \n
Determination to fit in.<\/strong> Your child could be trying to fit in with friends<\/a><\/strong> who are bullying a particular classmate or group of classmates.<\/h5>\n<\/li>\n- \n
Deflection.<\/strong> Your child might be getting bullied themselves,<\/u> and being aggressive with others helps them feel empowered and in control.<\/h5>\n<\/li>\n- \n
Acting out for attention.<\/strong> Your child might be looking for attention they haven\u2019t been able to get in other ways, whether from parents, teachers, or classmates.<\/h5>\n<\/li>\n
- \n
Insensitivity to other children’s feelings.<\/strong> Your child may be naturally more assertive and reckless than others their age.\u00a0They may not fully understand how their actions and words are making others feel. This is especially common with younger children.<\/h5>\n<\/li>\n
- \n
Overly sensitive to other children’s behavior.<\/strong> Your child may be overly sensitive and see their classmates as acting hostile even when they\u2019re not.<\/h5>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\nBy talking to your child about their bullying, learning about what\u2019s going on from their point of view, and teaching them better social behavior, you can limit bullying and help your child deal with whatever issues may have started it.<\/p>\n
Here are some ways to be sure that your child forms healthy, considerate relationships with their peers.<\/p>\n
[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_image src=”https:\/\/www.nevertherightword.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/01\/sad-young-girl-never-right-word.jpg” admin_label=”Single Image” _builder_version=”4.4.8″ custom_css_main_element=”}||.wrapper {||position: relative;||height: 0;||\/* Formula is: (height \/ width * 100%) *\/||padding-top: calc(995 \/ 800 * 100%);||}||||.wrapper__img {||position: absolute;||top: 0;||left: 0;||max-width: 100%;||height: auto;” border_radii=”on|5px|5px|5px|5px” box_shadow_style=”preset3″ locked=”on”][\/et_pb_image][et_pb_divider admin_label=”Divider” _builder_version=”3.21.2″ locked=”on”][\/et_pb_divider][et_pb_text admin_label=”Template 2″ _builder_version=”4.9.4″ text_font=”Poppins||||||||” header_font=”||||||||” header_2_font=”||||||||” hover_enabled=”0″ locked=”on” sticky_enabled=”0″]<\/p>\n
Communicate<\/strong><\/h2>\n <\/p>\n
If someone tells you that your child is bullying others, your first step should be to have a talk with your child. \u00a0Don\u2019t downplay the importance of the issue, but don\u2019t pass judgment right away. Be clear that you\u2019d like to hear your child\u2019s point of view.<\/p>\n
You could say, “Your teacher called me earlier and said that you\u2019ve been bullying some of the other kids. That\u2019s really concerning to me, and we need to have an honest discussion. Please explain what happened.”<\/p>\n
When you and your child talk through the situation, it can help you to understand what\u2019s behind their aggression, and what can be done to stop it. After one mother was informed that her child was bullying some of his classmates, she and his father had numerous heart-to-heart talks with him, trying to find the root causes behind his behavior.<\/p>\n
Through discussions and questioning, they learned that their son had very poor self-esteem, and harassing his classmates made him feel powerful and in control. The boy confessed that it felt good to be known as \u201cthe worst kid in school\u201d, instead of being invisible as he had been before.<\/p>\n
In other cases, children may be unable to articulate the reasons for their bullying. Younger kids and those who are suffering from anxiety<\/a>,<\/strong> trauma<\/strong><\/a>, or other mental health issues may have particular difficulty. If you\u2019re finding it hard to get the full picture, you may want to consult an experienced child psychologist or psychiatrist, who will be better able to evaluate your child\u2019s behavior.<\/p>\n
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Prepare Ahead<\/strong><\/h2>\n <\/p>\n
After you\u2019ve dug down the source of the issue, customize your response to your child\u2019s specific social challenges.<\/a><\/strong> Talk about theoretical situations that would be hard for them to handle, and help them figure out appropriate ways to do so.<\/p>\n
\nIf other kids ask to play, tell them yes. It\u2019s important for you to include others when you can, and to use only respectful language when you have to refuse.<\/strong><\/h5>\n<\/blockquote>\n“Have lots of different solutions to various issues that are likely to come up, and give clear examples about how you expect your child to respond,” Dr. Howard explains. “I would try to frame it as friendship behavior, rather than, ‘Don’t be a bully.’ Kids respond better to being told what to do than what not to do.”<\/p>\n
It can also be helpful to have your child look at the situation from the perspective of the child who\u2019s being bullied. Have them recall a time when they felt hurt or left out because of someone else\u2019s actions. Remind them that they\u2019re causing their classmate to feel this same way when they treat them badly.<\/p>\n
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Illustrations courtesy of <\/i>Shutterstock<\/strong>.<\/i><\/span><\/a><\/p>\n
This article was originally published on <\/i>https:\/\/www.nevertherightword.com<\/i><\/span><\/a><\/strong>. If this article appears on any other site other than <\/i>https:\/\/www.nevertherightword.com<\/i><\/span><\/a><\/strong> without clear referencing it is a violation of the copyright owned by <\/i>https:\/\/www.nevertherightword.com<\/i><\/span><\/a><\/strong>.<\/i><\/p>\n
This article may contain affiliate links. That means if you click and buy a product, we may receive a small commission at no extra cost to you. <\/span><\/em>Never the Right Word is a participant in the Awin Affiliates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to participating merchants.<\/span><\/em>\u00a0For more information, please view our <\/span><\/em>Privacy Policy and Earnings Disclosure page.<\/em><\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n
Look Inward<\/strong><\/h2>\n <\/p>\n
Kids who are used to seeing mean or belligerent behavior at home are the most likely to act them out elsewhere.<\/strong> Therefore It’s important for parents to be mindful of how their behavior might influence their child’s, and to be realistic about whether or not this might be something that’s been modeled for the child.<\/p>\n
Now’s the time to take an honest look at the example you set, because bullying may take place in your household without you even recognizing it.<\/p>\n
Do family members shout at each other when upset, call each other names, or make cutting remarks about one another? Do your kids get physical with each other when they\u2019re angry, or get away with saying hurtful things under the guise of \u201cteasing\u201d?<\/p>\n
If any of this is true, then your first task is creating a positive home environment<\/a><\/strong>\u2014one where all members of the household are treated with respect and empathy.<\/p>\n
After the mother mentioned above was informed of her son’s bully behavior, she and his father worked hard to make certain that the behavior in their home equaled how they were asking their son to behave at school. If you are an educator, we have another helpful article on how to do assess your actions and classroom dynamics with students who bully at school.<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n
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Provide Meaningful Consequences<\/strong><\/h2>\n <\/p>\n
Punishing bully behavior can work well, but only when limited to direct, meaningful consequences. For example, if you discover that your teenager has been cyberbullying others, the consequence would be immediately losing Internet or phone access.<\/p>\n
For especially serious offenses you might remove the privileges for as long as necessary while addressing the behavior with a therapist; but for anything less severe, let them earn back their lost privileges within several days to a week. You must keep in mind, however, that if you remove a privilege for too long, it may lose validity. Your child will be thinking, ‘OK, well, I can never get it back, so I’m just not going to try.’<\/p>\n
“You want to make it so that the time within which punishment happens and the amount of time for which it occurs are balanced to have the most significant effect” says Dr. Kristin Carothers, a psychologist who specializes in childhood and adolescent behavior.<\/p>\n
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Make it Right<\/strong><\/h2>\n <\/p>\n
After your child has gotten their privileges back and calmed down, explain that they made a mistake and will need to make reparations to those who were hurt. This could be done via any number of methods. The most basic would be to apologize, whether in person or via letter, email, or text message, but you might also get creative. \u00a0Help your child bake something for the class, or have them invite a previously excluded classmate over to play.<\/p>\n
Dr. Howard tells about a patient who was caught calling other kids names and blatantly barring them from her group of friends. As an apology, the child\u2019s mother had her host a party and invite all of the kids who had been bullied. “It was a correction,” says Dr. Howard, \u201cand it was sort of [the] mom’s way of re-establishing control.\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
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Monitor the Situation<\/strong><\/h2>\n <\/p>\n
If the person who approached you about your child\u2019s bullying was another parent, you should let your child\u2019s teachers know as soon as possible, so that they can help watch out for further problems or improvements. Check in regularly with the teachers, and if your child does improve, be sure to praise them for becoming a better friend.<\/p>\n
Cyberbullying<\/a><\/strong> can be particularly challenging to monitor, mainly because it takes place in chatrooms and text conversations, out of sight. If you find that your child has been bullying others online, get passwords for all of their social media accounts and check on them frequently to make certain that the behavior has improved.<\/p>\n
\n <\/p>\n
Seek Help<\/strong><\/h2>\n <\/p>\n
If you\u2019ve been working on your child\u2019s friendship skills for a period of time and the bullying has not stopped, you should look into getting a mental health evaluation for them. They may be dealing with underlying problems that will need the aid of a therapist or psychiatrist to work through.<\/p>\n
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Stay Connected<\/strong><\/h2>\n <\/p>\n
In some ways, the most crucial step you can take is to create open communication about your child\u2019s daily life. This will give you a better position from which to identify the signs of bullying<\/a> <\/strong>and other problems. Dr. Carothers advocates checking in with your child, asking several open-ended questions about their lives each day. “If you want your [child] to talk to you, you have to go and talk to your kid,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n
When Your Child is Passing the Bullying On<\/strong><\/h2>\n <\/p>\n
Kids may bully others because of past or present abuse, bad treatment by older siblings, or because they have been or are being bullied themselves.<\/p>\n
In many cases, children become bullies because they\u2019ve been hurt or vulnerable before, and this feels like a way to shield themselves. If they create a frightening reputation and are able to intimidate others, they won’t be hurt like they otherwise might. Bullying is often a result of emotional or physical damage to the bully themselves.<\/strong><\/p>\n
Explaining this to a child may change their attitude in a surprising way. From the child\u2019s viewpoint, a bully is a monster who terrorizes and holds power over them. Humanizing the perceived monster not only removes much of the emotional power they have over your child, but gives your child an increased sense of compassion and understanding in future. This helps stop the cycle of the bullied becoming bullies.<\/p>\n
Unfortunately, harassment is something most of us will have to deal with multiple times during our lives. Understanding the reasons behind such unwarranted aggression builds resilience and makes it easier to handle as if creating a shield that protects us from others\u2019 poor behavior. This can also help your child not to feel they must protect themselves with bad behavior.<\/p>\n
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Help Them to Understand<\/strong><\/h3>\n <\/p>\n
Sometimes children bully each other because they feel that they don\u2019t fit in, and wish they did.<\/strong> This happens most often when the \u201ccool kids\u201d are themselves bullies; children who want to be part of their circle will start picking on others in order to gain approval.<\/p>\n
Again, this is a result of low self-esteem.<\/strong> The bully doesn\u2019t have a good opinion of himself and his worth; the only way he sees to fit in is to join the other bullies. He believes that doing so will increase his value as a person and bring him happiness.<\/p>\n
Explain to your child that the bully\u2019s actions come from a sad place, where their only friendships depend on being mean. This doesn\u2019t make their actions hurt less, but it changes them from a fearful monster to an unhappy child. This, of course, does not mean that the bully shouldn\u2019t face consequences\u2026 but maybe they could also use a real friend.<\/p>\n
Other times, one kid bullies another because they are jealous of something they have or something they did. Many times in these cases, they simply don\u2019t know how to deal with their feelings of jealousy.<\/p>\n
Jealousy is a powerful emotion for anyone to deal with, especially a child.<\/strong> If we don\u2019t rein it in, it can take hold of us and come out as hurtful, harmful words and deeds. When explaining this to your child, prompt them to remember a time when they got jealous. What were their feelings then?<\/p>\n
They might say things like frustrated, mad, or sad. Explain that it can be hard to deal with those feelings, and some people don\u2019t know-how. Remind them how hard it is to be friendly and kind when they\u2019re angry. For a kid who hasn\u2019t learned how to act or react when they feel jealous, it\u2019s easy to give in and be mean.<\/p>\n
By relating feelings of sadness, anger, or jealousy to your child’s own emotions, you can help them to understand bullying better. Knowing what feelings lead to bullying will allow them to gain confidence, and realize that it isn\u2019t their fault they\u2019re being mistreated, and it has no impact on their personal worth.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
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Don\u2019t Turn Them Away<\/strong><\/h3>\n <\/p>\n
A child should never feel that they have to deal with being bullied all alone. If you turn them away and don\u2019t let them communicate their feelings to you, it isolates them. Listen carefully to what they\u2019re saying, and let them know that their suffering and unhappiness matter to you.<\/p>\n
When your child isn\u2019t willing to communicate, try your best to coax them out over time. Some kids are scared you\u2019ll take actions that make the bullying worse, or they\u2019re so afraid of their bully that they don\u2019t feel safe anywhere, and don\u2019t want to tell you for fear they\u2019ll get hurt.<\/p>\n
If this is the case, keep working at it with caring and understanding until they open up. You need to know what is going on, even if they\u2019re afraid. One way to help them be brave is to reassure them that the person who\u2019s bullying them has no power over them now. Remind them that while they\u2019re at home, they\u2019re safe.<\/p>\n
Establishing your home as a safe zone can be very important when it comes to bullying. Otherwise, left without relief, they can dig themselves into a hole of frustration, anxiety, and depression which will be difficult to escape from later.<\/strong><\/p>\n
A note about children who often make stories up to get attention. Even if you\u2019re not sure your child is being truthful about the bullying, listen anyway. It\u2019s essential that you take them seriously.<\/p>\n
If you don\u2019t, and they end up being bullied later, they\u2019ll remember you brushing them off in the past and believe you won\u2019t find it important enough to bring up now. Kids remember things like that, even ones who forget everything else.<\/p>\n
Step wisely and carefully when your child brings up the subject of bullying. Even if they are making it up, it\u2019s still a perfect chance to teach them why bullying is wrong and how to deal with it.<\/p>\n
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Help Them Find Real Friends<\/strong><\/h3>\n <\/p>\n
It\u2019s bad enough to be bullied alongside friends, but it feels even worse when you\u2019re alone. Good friends who have your back when you\u2019re being bullied gives a person strength to keep going in spite of their troubles. Children who are bullied but still have friends are more likely to be able to cope because their friends will help to validate their worth and boost their self-confidence.<\/p>\n
If your child has no friends, or their current friends are exacerbating their bullying behavior, help them to make connections. Invite kids from school to a party at your house and help your child to be social. Children\u2014even bullies\u2014love parties, and it\u2019s a good way to get everyone interacting and in a good mood.<\/strong><\/p>\n
Encourage your child to interact with others, and make it easy for them to invite classmates over as often as possible. Some parents frequently restrict their child\u2019s ability to have friends over, and while this is completely understandable, it can lead to your child feeling set apart and very socially alone.<\/p>\n
When a kid has a real, faithful friend, their inner foundation is much stronger. They\u2019re more able to withstand distress and insecurity than they are without one. But this doesn\u2019t apply to just anyone they hang out with. A true friend is honest and loyal, someone who your child can trust in times of need.<\/p>\n
When you see your child becoming close to someone like this, encourage it. If their so-called \u201cfriends\u201d are the opposite, don\u2019t outright ban them from hanging out\u2014this often has the opposite effect\u2014but don\u2019t hesitate to gently point out the reasons why the friendship isn\u2019t beneficial.<\/p>\n
The concept of friendship is not always clear to a child. With all of the misleading ideas that are seen in the media and modeled by others, it\u2019s easy for kids to get confused over how a true friend speaks and acts.<\/p>\n
Teach your child how a real friend would treat them. There are times when even someone who your child thought was a friend can turn into a bully. When they understand what having a friend really feels like, it will make it easier for them to differentiate.<\/strong><\/p>\n
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What About Adults Who Bully?<\/strong><\/h2>\n <\/p>\n
It isn’t just kids who may be bullying your kids. Adults and mentors, even ones that your child looks up to, can be bullies as well. Now, this is tricky because children are incredibly impressionable and absorb information like a sponge.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n
If you can’t remove your child from a negative situation (perhaps it’s your child’s relative who always has something negative to say), you will have to teach your child how to grow a thick skin. In cases like these, the best thing is to help your child change how they look at the bullying.<\/span><\/p>\n
Teach them to recognize right and wrong and let them know that they’re safe at home and that even means adults are not all-powerful. Just because a person thinks a certain thing about them, it doesn’t make it true. Shifting their focus from who doesn’t like them onto who they<\/em>\u00a0like will prepare your kids for the harshness of life.<\/strong><\/p>\n
[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_image src=”https:\/\/www.nevertherightword.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/01\/little-african-girl-never-right-word.jpg” admin_label=”Single Image” _builder_version=”4.4.8″ custom_css_main_element=”}||.wrapper {||position: relative;||height: 0;||\/* Formula is: (height \/ width * 100%) *\/||padding-top: calc(800 \/ 800 * 100%);||}||||.wrapper__img {||position: absolute;||top: 0;||left: 0;||max-width: 100%;||height: auto;” border_radii=”on|5px|5px|5px|5px” box_shadow_style=”preset3″ locked=”on”][\/et_pb_image][et_pb_divider admin_label=”Divider” _builder_version=”3.21.2″ locked=”on”][\/et_pb_divider][et_pb_text admin_label=”Conclusion” _builder_version=”4.9.4″ text_font=”Poppins||||||||” hover_enabled=”0″ locked=”on” sticky_enabled=”0″]<\/p>\n
At Never the Right Word, our aim is to give you practical examples of how to handle life\u2019s difficult conversations. If you have an awkward situation that you\u2019d like example templates for, request a topic here<\/b><\/span><\/a>.\u00a0\u00a0<\/b><\/p>\n
If you\u2019re interested in further reading, we\u2019ve also included links to our trusted resources and related posts below. To find out more\u00a0about NTRW<\/b><\/span><\/a>\u00a0and\u00a0our\u00a0recommended tools<\/b><\/span><\/a>,<\/b> you can do that\u00a0here<\/b>.<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n
If they create a frightening reputation and intimidate others, they won’t be hurt like they otherwise might. <\/strong><\/h5>\nBullying is often a result of emotional or physical damage to the bully themselves.<\/strong><\/h5>\n<\/blockquote>\nThere are many ways you can develop your child’s self-esteem and help them to handle being bullied, inside or outside the home, without passing it on to others.<\/p>\n
[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_image src=”https:\/\/www.nevertherightword.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/07\/angry-man-never-right-word-scaled.jpg” admin_label=”Single Image” _builder_version=”4.4.8″ custom_css_main_element=”}||.wrapper {||position: relative;||height: 0;||\/* Formula is: (height \/ width * 100%) *\/||padding-top: calc(465 \/ 800 * 100%);||}||||.wrapper__img {||position: absolute;||top: 0;||left: 0;||max-width: 100%;||height: auto;” border_radii=”on|5px|5px|5px|5px” box_shadow_style=”preset3″ locked=”on”][\/et_pb_image][et_pb_divider _builder_version=”3.21.2″ locked=”on”][\/et_pb_divider][et_pb_text admin_label=”Template 1″ _builder_version=”4.9.4″ text_font=”Poppins||||||||” header_font=”||||||||” header_2_font=”||||||||” hover_enabled=”0″ header_2_font_size_tablet=”” header_2_font_size_phone=”26px” header_2_font_size_last_edited=”on|phone” locked=”on” sticky_enabled=”0″]<\/p>\n
What Motivates a Child to Bully Others?<\/strong><\/h2>\n <\/p>\n
This may seem like a strange thing to address, but it’s essential to recognize that children don’t turn to bully simply because they\u2019re “bad.” Exhale a sigh of relief!<\/p>\n
“Kids engage in all kinds of behavior that isn’t a reflection of who they are,” states Dr. Jamie Howard, who directs the Stress and Resilience Program at medical non-profit the Child Mind Institute, which studies and raises awareness of children\u2019s mental health. Children who bully others may simply be making mistakes as they figure out their role within their social structures. It\u2019s entirely possible for a child who is otherwise well-behaved to be regularly harassing other children.<\/p>\n
Some bullies have no purpose for the behavior other than personal enjoyment. However, especially with children, it\u2019s more likely that they\u2019re acting out for a specific reason. Though they might not seem obvious to an adult, there are a lot of reasons why one child would bully another, or many kids might bully one.<\/p>\n
In most cases, this type of behavior is not as black and white as it may seem. Bullying usually reflects something wrong inside the bully, rather than just on the outside.<\/p>\n
Some of the reasons behind bullying behavior may include:<\/strong><\/h5>\n\n- \n
Determination to fit in.<\/strong> Your child could be trying to fit in with friends<\/a><\/strong> who are bullying a particular classmate or group of classmates.<\/h5>\n<\/li>\n- \n
Deflection.<\/strong> Your child might be getting bullied themselves,<\/u> and being aggressive with others helps them feel empowered and in control.<\/h5>\n<\/li>\n- \n
Acting out for attention.<\/strong> Your child might be looking for attention they haven\u2019t been able to get in other ways, whether from parents, teachers, or classmates.<\/h5>\n<\/li>\n
- \n
Insensitivity to other children’s feelings.<\/strong> Your child may be naturally more assertive and reckless than others their age.\u00a0They may not fully understand how their actions and words are making others feel. This is especially common with younger children.<\/h5>\n<\/li>\n
- \n
Overly sensitive to other children’s behavior.<\/strong> Your child may be overly sensitive and see their classmates as acting hostile even when they\u2019re not.<\/h5>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\nBy talking to your child about their bullying, learning about what\u2019s going on from their point of view, and teaching them better social behavior, you can limit bullying and help your child deal with whatever issues may have started it.<\/p>\n
Here are some ways to be sure that your child forms healthy, considerate relationships with their peers.<\/p>\n
[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_image src=”https:\/\/www.nevertherightword.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/01\/sad-young-girl-never-right-word.jpg” admin_label=”Single Image” _builder_version=”4.4.8″ custom_css_main_element=”}||.wrapper {||position: relative;||height: 0;||\/* Formula is: (height \/ width * 100%) *\/||padding-top: calc(995 \/ 800 * 100%);||}||||.wrapper__img {||position: absolute;||top: 0;||left: 0;||max-width: 100%;||height: auto;” border_radii=”on|5px|5px|5px|5px” box_shadow_style=”preset3″ locked=”on”][\/et_pb_image][et_pb_divider admin_label=”Divider” _builder_version=”3.21.2″ locked=”on”][\/et_pb_divider][et_pb_text admin_label=”Template 2″ _builder_version=”4.9.4″ text_font=”Poppins||||||||” header_font=”||||||||” header_2_font=”||||||||” hover_enabled=”0″ locked=”on” sticky_enabled=”0″]<\/p>\n
Communicate<\/strong><\/h2>\n <\/p>\n
If someone tells you that your child is bullying others, your first step should be to have a talk with your child. \u00a0Don\u2019t downplay the importance of the issue, but don\u2019t pass judgment right away. Be clear that you\u2019d like to hear your child\u2019s point of view.<\/p>\n
You could say, “Your teacher called me earlier and said that you\u2019ve been bullying some of the other kids. That\u2019s really concerning to me, and we need to have an honest discussion. Please explain what happened.”<\/p>\n
When you and your child talk through the situation, it can help you to understand what\u2019s behind their aggression, and what can be done to stop it. After one mother was informed that her child was bullying some of his classmates, she and his father had numerous heart-to-heart talks with him, trying to find the root causes behind his behavior.<\/p>\n
Through discussions and questioning, they learned that their son had very poor self-esteem, and harassing his classmates made him feel powerful and in control. The boy confessed that it felt good to be known as \u201cthe worst kid in school\u201d, instead of being invisible as he had been before.<\/p>\n
In other cases, children may be unable to articulate the reasons for their bullying. Younger kids and those who are suffering from anxiety<\/a>,<\/strong> trauma<\/strong><\/a>, or other mental health issues may have particular difficulty. If you\u2019re finding it hard to get the full picture, you may want to consult an experienced child psychologist or psychiatrist, who will be better able to evaluate your child\u2019s behavior.<\/p>\n
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Prepare Ahead<\/strong><\/h2>\n <\/p>\n
After you\u2019ve dug down the source of the issue, customize your response to your child\u2019s specific social challenges.<\/a><\/strong> Talk about theoretical situations that would be hard for them to handle, and help them figure out appropriate ways to do so.<\/p>\n
\nIf other kids ask to play, tell them yes. It\u2019s important for you to include others when you can, and to use only respectful language when you have to refuse.<\/strong><\/h5>\n<\/blockquote>\n“Have lots of different solutions to various issues that are likely to come up, and give clear examples about how you expect your child to respond,” Dr. Howard explains. “I would try to frame it as friendship behavior, rather than, ‘Don’t be a bully.’ Kids respond better to being told what to do than what not to do.”<\/p>\n
It can also be helpful to have your child look at the situation from the perspective of the child who\u2019s being bullied. Have them recall a time when they felt hurt or left out because of someone else\u2019s actions. Remind them that they\u2019re causing their classmate to feel this same way when they treat them badly.<\/p>\n
[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_image src=”https:\/\/www.nevertherightword.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/01\/young-chinese-child-never-right-word.jpg” admin_label=”Single Image” _builder_version=”4.4.8″ custom_css_main_element=”}||.wrapper {||position: relative;||height: 0;||\/* Formula is: (height \/ width * 100%) *\/||padding-top: calc(800 \/ 800 * 100%);||}||||.wrapper__img {||position: absolute;||top: 0;||left: 0;||max-width: 100%;||height: auto;” border_radii=”on|5px|5px|5px|5px” box_shadow_style=”preset3″ locked=”on”][\/et_pb_image][et_pb_text admin_label=”Copyright and Affiliate Links Notice” _builder_version=”4.9.4″ text_font_size=”16px” text_line_height=”1.8em” global_module=”10507″ locked=”on”]<\/p>\n
Illustrations courtesy of <\/i>Shutterstock<\/strong>.<\/i><\/span><\/a><\/p>\n
This article was originally published on <\/i>https:\/\/www.nevertherightword.com<\/i><\/span><\/a><\/strong>. If this article appears on any other site other than <\/i>https:\/\/www.nevertherightword.com<\/i><\/span><\/a><\/strong> without clear referencing it is a violation of the copyright owned by <\/i>https:\/\/www.nevertherightword.com<\/i><\/span><\/a><\/strong>.<\/i><\/p>\n
This article may contain affiliate links. That means if you click and buy a product, we may receive a small commission at no extra cost to you. <\/span><\/em>Never the Right Word is a participant in the Awin Affiliates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to participating merchants.<\/span><\/em>\u00a0For more information, please view our <\/span><\/em>Privacy Policy and Earnings Disclosure page.<\/em><\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n
Look Inward<\/strong><\/h2>\n <\/p>\n
Kids who are used to seeing mean or belligerent behavior at home are the most likely to act them out elsewhere.<\/strong> Therefore It’s important for parents to be mindful of how their behavior might influence their child’s, and to be realistic about whether or not this might be something that’s been modeled for the child.<\/p>\n
Now’s the time to take an honest look at the example you set, because bullying may take place in your household without you even recognizing it.<\/p>\n
Do family members shout at each other when upset, call each other names, or make cutting remarks about one another? Do your kids get physical with each other when they\u2019re angry, or get away with saying hurtful things under the guise of \u201cteasing\u201d?<\/p>\n
If any of this is true, then your first task is creating a positive home environment<\/a><\/strong>\u2014one where all members of the household are treated with respect and empathy.<\/p>\n
After the mother mentioned above was informed of her son’s bully behavior, she and his father worked hard to make certain that the behavior in their home equaled how they were asking their son to behave at school. If you are an educator, we have another helpful article on how to do assess your actions and classroom dynamics with students who bully at school.<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n
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Provide Meaningful Consequences<\/strong><\/h2>\n <\/p>\n
Punishing bully behavior can work well, but only when limited to direct, meaningful consequences. For example, if you discover that your teenager has been cyberbullying others, the consequence would be immediately losing Internet or phone access.<\/p>\n
For especially serious offenses you might remove the privileges for as long as necessary while addressing the behavior with a therapist; but for anything less severe, let them earn back their lost privileges within several days to a week. You must keep in mind, however, that if you remove a privilege for too long, it may lose validity. Your child will be thinking, ‘OK, well, I can never get it back, so I’m just not going to try.’<\/p>\n
“You want to make it so that the time within which punishment happens and the amount of time for which it occurs are balanced to have the most significant effect” says Dr. Kristin Carothers, a psychologist who specializes in childhood and adolescent behavior.<\/p>\n
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Make it Right<\/strong><\/h2>\n <\/p>\n
After your child has gotten their privileges back and calmed down, explain that they made a mistake and will need to make reparations to those who were hurt. This could be done via any number of methods. The most basic would be to apologize, whether in person or via letter, email, or text message, but you might also get creative. \u00a0Help your child bake something for the class, or have them invite a previously excluded classmate over to play.<\/p>\n
Dr. Howard tells about a patient who was caught calling other kids names and blatantly barring them from her group of friends. As an apology, the child\u2019s mother had her host a party and invite all of the kids who had been bullied. “It was a correction,” says Dr. Howard, \u201cand it was sort of [the] mom’s way of re-establishing control.\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
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Monitor the Situation<\/strong><\/h2>\n <\/p>\n
If the person who approached you about your child\u2019s bullying was another parent, you should let your child\u2019s teachers know as soon as possible, so that they can help watch out for further problems or improvements. Check in regularly with the teachers, and if your child does improve, be sure to praise them for becoming a better friend.<\/p>\n
Cyberbullying<\/a><\/strong> can be particularly challenging to monitor, mainly because it takes place in chatrooms and text conversations, out of sight. If you find that your child has been bullying others online, get passwords for all of their social media accounts and check on them frequently to make certain that the behavior has improved.<\/p>\n
\n <\/p>\n
Seek Help<\/strong><\/h2>\n <\/p>\n
If you\u2019ve been working on your child\u2019s friendship skills for a period of time and the bullying has not stopped, you should look into getting a mental health evaluation for them. They may be dealing with underlying problems that will need the aid of a therapist or psychiatrist to work through.<\/p>\n
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Stay Connected<\/strong><\/h2>\n <\/p>\n
In some ways, the most crucial step you can take is to create open communication about your child\u2019s daily life. This will give you a better position from which to identify the signs of bullying<\/a> <\/strong>and other problems. Dr. Carothers advocates checking in with your child, asking several open-ended questions about their lives each day. “If you want your [child] to talk to you, you have to go and talk to your kid,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n
When Your Child is Passing the Bullying On<\/strong><\/h2>\n <\/p>\n
Kids may bully others because of past or present abuse, bad treatment by older siblings, or because they have been or are being bullied themselves.<\/p>\n
In many cases, children become bullies because they\u2019ve been hurt or vulnerable before, and this feels like a way to shield themselves. If they create a frightening reputation and are able to intimidate others, they won’t be hurt like they otherwise might. Bullying is often a result of emotional or physical damage to the bully themselves.<\/strong><\/p>\n
Explaining this to a child may change their attitude in a surprising way. From the child\u2019s viewpoint, a bully is a monster who terrorizes and holds power over them. Humanizing the perceived monster not only removes much of the emotional power they have over your child, but gives your child an increased sense of compassion and understanding in future. This helps stop the cycle of the bullied becoming bullies.<\/p>\n
Unfortunately, harassment is something most of us will have to deal with multiple times during our lives. Understanding the reasons behind such unwarranted aggression builds resilience and makes it easier to handle as if creating a shield that protects us from others\u2019 poor behavior. This can also help your child not to feel they must protect themselves with bad behavior.<\/p>\n
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Help Them to Understand<\/strong><\/h3>\n <\/p>\n
Sometimes children bully each other because they feel that they don\u2019t fit in, and wish they did.<\/strong> This happens most often when the \u201ccool kids\u201d are themselves bullies; children who want to be part of their circle will start picking on others in order to gain approval.<\/p>\n
Again, this is a result of low self-esteem.<\/strong> The bully doesn\u2019t have a good opinion of himself and his worth; the only way he sees to fit in is to join the other bullies. He believes that doing so will increase his value as a person and bring him happiness.<\/p>\n
Explain to your child that the bully\u2019s actions come from a sad place, where their only friendships depend on being mean. This doesn\u2019t make their actions hurt less, but it changes them from a fearful monster to an unhappy child. This, of course, does not mean that the bully shouldn\u2019t face consequences\u2026 but maybe they could also use a real friend.<\/p>\n
Other times, one kid bullies another because they are jealous of something they have or something they did. Many times in these cases, they simply don\u2019t know how to deal with their feelings of jealousy.<\/p>\n
Jealousy is a powerful emotion for anyone to deal with, especially a child.<\/strong> If we don\u2019t rein it in, it can take hold of us and come out as hurtful, harmful words and deeds. When explaining this to your child, prompt them to remember a time when they got jealous. What were their feelings then?<\/p>\n
They might say things like frustrated, mad, or sad. Explain that it can be hard to deal with those feelings, and some people don\u2019t know-how. Remind them how hard it is to be friendly and kind when they\u2019re angry. For a kid who hasn\u2019t learned how to act or react when they feel jealous, it\u2019s easy to give in and be mean.<\/p>\n
By relating feelings of sadness, anger, or jealousy to your child’s own emotions, you can help them to understand bullying better. Knowing what feelings lead to bullying will allow them to gain confidence, and realize that it isn\u2019t their fault they\u2019re being mistreated, and it has no impact on their personal worth.<\/p>\n
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Don\u2019t Turn Them Away<\/strong><\/h3>\n <\/p>\n
A child should never feel that they have to deal with being bullied all alone. If you turn them away and don\u2019t let them communicate their feelings to you, it isolates them. Listen carefully to what they\u2019re saying, and let them know that their suffering and unhappiness matter to you.<\/p>\n
When your child isn\u2019t willing to communicate, try your best to coax them out over time. Some kids are scared you\u2019ll take actions that make the bullying worse, or they\u2019re so afraid of their bully that they don\u2019t feel safe anywhere, and don\u2019t want to tell you for fear they\u2019ll get hurt.<\/p>\n
If this is the case, keep working at it with caring and understanding until they open up. You need to know what is going on, even if they\u2019re afraid. One way to help them be brave is to reassure them that the person who\u2019s bullying them has no power over them now. Remind them that while they\u2019re at home, they\u2019re safe.<\/p>\n
Establishing your home as a safe zone can be very important when it comes to bullying. Otherwise, left without relief, they can dig themselves into a hole of frustration, anxiety, and depression which will be difficult to escape from later.<\/strong><\/p>\n
A note about children who often make stories up to get attention. Even if you\u2019re not sure your child is being truthful about the bullying, listen anyway. It\u2019s essential that you take them seriously.<\/p>\n
If you don\u2019t, and they end up being bullied later, they\u2019ll remember you brushing them off in the past and believe you won\u2019t find it important enough to bring up now. Kids remember things like that, even ones who forget everything else.<\/p>\n
Step wisely and carefully when your child brings up the subject of bullying. Even if they are making it up, it\u2019s still a perfect chance to teach them why bullying is wrong and how to deal with it.<\/p>\n
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Help Them Find Real Friends<\/strong><\/h3>\n <\/p>\n
It\u2019s bad enough to be bullied alongside friends, but it feels even worse when you\u2019re alone. Good friends who have your back when you\u2019re being bullied gives a person strength to keep going in spite of their troubles. Children who are bullied but still have friends are more likely to be able to cope because their friends will help to validate their worth and boost their self-confidence.<\/p>\n
If your child has no friends, or their current friends are exacerbating their bullying behavior, help them to make connections. Invite kids from school to a party at your house and help your child to be social. Children\u2014even bullies\u2014love parties, and it\u2019s a good way to get everyone interacting and in a good mood.<\/strong><\/p>\n
Encourage your child to interact with others, and make it easy for them to invite classmates over as often as possible. Some parents frequently restrict their child\u2019s ability to have friends over, and while this is completely understandable, it can lead to your child feeling set apart and very socially alone.<\/p>\n
When a kid has a real, faithful friend, their inner foundation is much stronger. They\u2019re more able to withstand distress and insecurity than they are without one. But this doesn\u2019t apply to just anyone they hang out with. A true friend is honest and loyal, someone who your child can trust in times of need.<\/p>\n
When you see your child becoming close to someone like this, encourage it. If their so-called \u201cfriends\u201d are the opposite, don\u2019t outright ban them from hanging out\u2014this often has the opposite effect\u2014but don\u2019t hesitate to gently point out the reasons why the friendship isn\u2019t beneficial.<\/p>\n
The concept of friendship is not always clear to a child. With all of the misleading ideas that are seen in the media and modeled by others, it\u2019s easy for kids to get confused over how a true friend speaks and acts.<\/p>\n
Teach your child how a real friend would treat them. There are times when even someone who your child thought was a friend can turn into a bully. When they understand what having a friend really feels like, it will make it easier for them to differentiate.<\/strong><\/p>\n
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What About Adults Who Bully?<\/strong><\/h2>\n <\/p>\n
It isn’t just kids who may be bullying your kids. Adults and mentors, even ones that your child looks up to, can be bullies as well. Now, this is tricky because children are incredibly impressionable and absorb information like a sponge.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n
If you can’t remove your child from a negative situation (perhaps it’s your child’s relative who always has something negative to say), you will have to teach your child how to grow a thick skin. In cases like these, the best thing is to help your child change how they look at the bullying.<\/span><\/p>\n
Teach them to recognize right and wrong and let them know that they’re safe at home and that even means adults are not all-powerful. Just because a person thinks a certain thing about them, it doesn’t make it true. Shifting their focus from who doesn’t like them onto who they<\/em>\u00a0like will prepare your kids for the harshness of life.<\/strong><\/p>\n
[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_image src=”https:\/\/www.nevertherightword.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/01\/little-african-girl-never-right-word.jpg” admin_label=”Single Image” _builder_version=”4.4.8″ custom_css_main_element=”}||.wrapper {||position: relative;||height: 0;||\/* Formula is: (height \/ width * 100%) *\/||padding-top: calc(800 \/ 800 * 100%);||}||||.wrapper__img {||position: absolute;||top: 0;||left: 0;||max-width: 100%;||height: auto;” border_radii=”on|5px|5px|5px|5px” box_shadow_style=”preset3″ locked=”on”][\/et_pb_image][et_pb_divider admin_label=”Divider” _builder_version=”3.21.2″ locked=”on”][\/et_pb_divider][et_pb_text admin_label=”Conclusion” _builder_version=”4.9.4″ text_font=”Poppins||||||||” hover_enabled=”0″ locked=”on” sticky_enabled=”0″]<\/p>\n
At Never the Right Word, our aim is to give you practical examples of how to handle life\u2019s difficult conversations. If you have an awkward situation that you\u2019d like example templates for, request a topic here<\/b><\/span><\/a>.\u00a0\u00a0<\/b><\/p>\n
If you\u2019re interested in further reading, we\u2019ve also included links to our trusted resources and related posts below. To find out more\u00a0about NTRW<\/b><\/span><\/a>\u00a0and\u00a0our\u00a0recommended tools<\/b><\/span><\/a>,<\/b> you can do that\u00a0here<\/b>.<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n
There are many ways you can develop your child’s self-esteem and help them to handle being bullied, inside or outside the home, without passing it on to others.<\/p>\n
[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_image src=”https:\/\/www.nevertherightword.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/07\/angry-man-never-right-word-scaled.jpg” admin_label=”Single Image” _builder_version=”4.4.8″ custom_css_main_element=”}||.wrapper {||position: relative;||height: 0;||\/* Formula is: (height \/ width * 100%) *\/||padding-top: calc(465 \/ 800 * 100%);||}||||.wrapper__img {||position: absolute;||top: 0;||left: 0;||max-width: 100%;||height: auto;” border_radii=”on|5px|5px|5px|5px” box_shadow_style=”preset3″ locked=”on”][\/et_pb_image][et_pb_divider _builder_version=”3.21.2″ locked=”on”][\/et_pb_divider][et_pb_text admin_label=”Template 1″ _builder_version=”4.9.4″ text_font=”Poppins||||||||” header_font=”||||||||” header_2_font=”||||||||” hover_enabled=”0″ header_2_font_size_tablet=”” header_2_font_size_phone=”26px” header_2_font_size_last_edited=”on|phone” locked=”on” sticky_enabled=”0″]<\/p>\n
What Motivates a Child to Bully Others?<\/strong><\/h2>\n <\/p>\n
This may seem like a strange thing to address, but it’s essential to recognize that children don’t turn to bully simply because they\u2019re “bad.” Exhale a sigh of relief!<\/p>\n
“Kids engage in all kinds of behavior that isn’t a reflection of who they are,” states Dr. Jamie Howard, who directs the Stress and Resilience Program at medical non-profit the Child Mind Institute, which studies and raises awareness of children\u2019s mental health. Children who bully others may simply be making mistakes as they figure out their role within their social structures. It\u2019s entirely possible for a child who is otherwise well-behaved to be regularly harassing other children.<\/p>\n
Some bullies have no purpose for the behavior other than personal enjoyment. However, especially with children, it\u2019s more likely that they\u2019re acting out for a specific reason. Though they might not seem obvious to an adult, there are a lot of reasons why one child would bully another, or many kids might bully one.<\/p>\n
In most cases, this type of behavior is not as black and white as it may seem. Bullying usually reflects something wrong inside the bully, rather than just on the outside.<\/p>\n
Some of the reasons behind bullying behavior may include:<\/strong><\/h5>\n\n- \n
Determination to fit in.<\/strong> Your child could be trying to fit in with friends<\/a><\/strong> who are bullying a particular classmate or group of classmates.<\/h5>\n<\/li>\n- \n
Deflection.<\/strong> Your child might be getting bullied themselves,<\/u> and being aggressive with others helps them feel empowered and in control.<\/h5>\n<\/li>\n- \n
Acting out for attention.<\/strong> Your child might be looking for attention they haven\u2019t been able to get in other ways, whether from parents, teachers, or classmates.<\/h5>\n<\/li>\n
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Insensitivity to other children’s feelings.<\/strong> Your child may be naturally more assertive and reckless than others their age.\u00a0They may not fully understand how their actions and words are making others feel. This is especially common with younger children.<\/h5>\n<\/li>\n
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Overly sensitive to other children’s behavior.<\/strong> Your child may be overly sensitive and see their classmates as acting hostile even when they\u2019re not.<\/h5>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\nBy talking to your child about their bullying, learning about what\u2019s going on from their point of view, and teaching them better social behavior, you can limit bullying and help your child deal with whatever issues may have started it.<\/p>\n
Here are some ways to be sure that your child forms healthy, considerate relationships with their peers.<\/p>\n
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Communicate<\/strong><\/h2>\n <\/p>\n
If someone tells you that your child is bullying others, your first step should be to have a talk with your child. \u00a0Don\u2019t downplay the importance of the issue, but don\u2019t pass judgment right away. Be clear that you\u2019d like to hear your child\u2019s point of view.<\/p>\n
You could say, “Your teacher called me earlier and said that you\u2019ve been bullying some of the other kids. That\u2019s really concerning to me, and we need to have an honest discussion. Please explain what happened.”<\/p>\n
When you and your child talk through the situation, it can help you to understand what\u2019s behind their aggression, and what can be done to stop it. After one mother was informed that her child was bullying some of his classmates, she and his father had numerous heart-to-heart talks with him, trying to find the root causes behind his behavior.<\/p>\n
Through discussions and questioning, they learned that their son had very poor self-esteem, and harassing his classmates made him feel powerful and in control. The boy confessed that it felt good to be known as \u201cthe worst kid in school\u201d, instead of being invisible as he had been before.<\/p>\n
In other cases, children may be unable to articulate the reasons for their bullying. Younger kids and those who are suffering from anxiety<\/a>,<\/strong> trauma<\/strong><\/a>, or other mental health issues may have particular difficulty. If you\u2019re finding it hard to get the full picture, you may want to consult an experienced child psychologist or psychiatrist, who will be better able to evaluate your child\u2019s behavior.<\/p>\n
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Prepare Ahead<\/strong><\/h2>\n <\/p>\n
After you\u2019ve dug down the source of the issue, customize your response to your child\u2019s specific social challenges.<\/a><\/strong> Talk about theoretical situations that would be hard for them to handle, and help them figure out appropriate ways to do so.<\/p>\n
\nIf other kids ask to play, tell them yes. It\u2019s important for you to include others when you can, and to use only respectful language when you have to refuse.<\/strong><\/h5>\n<\/blockquote>\n“Have lots of different solutions to various issues that are likely to come up, and give clear examples about how you expect your child to respond,” Dr. Howard explains. “I would try to frame it as friendship behavior, rather than, ‘Don’t be a bully.’ Kids respond better to being told what to do than what not to do.”<\/p>\n
It can also be helpful to have your child look at the situation from the perspective of the child who\u2019s being bullied. Have them recall a time when they felt hurt or left out because of someone else\u2019s actions. Remind them that they\u2019re causing their classmate to feel this same way when they treat them badly.<\/p>\n
[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_image src=”https:\/\/www.nevertherightword.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/01\/young-chinese-child-never-right-word.jpg” admin_label=”Single Image” _builder_version=”4.4.8″ custom_css_main_element=”}||.wrapper {||position: relative;||height: 0;||\/* Formula is: (height \/ width * 100%) *\/||padding-top: calc(800 \/ 800 * 100%);||}||||.wrapper__img {||position: absolute;||top: 0;||left: 0;||max-width: 100%;||height: auto;” border_radii=”on|5px|5px|5px|5px” box_shadow_style=”preset3″ locked=”on”][\/et_pb_image][et_pb_text admin_label=”Copyright and Affiliate Links Notice” _builder_version=”4.9.4″ text_font_size=”16px” text_line_height=”1.8em” global_module=”10507″ locked=”on”]<\/p>\n
Illustrations courtesy of <\/i>Shutterstock<\/strong>.<\/i><\/span><\/a><\/p>\n
This article was originally published on <\/i>https:\/\/www.nevertherightword.com<\/i><\/span><\/a><\/strong>. If this article appears on any other site other than <\/i>https:\/\/www.nevertherightword.com<\/i><\/span><\/a><\/strong> without clear referencing it is a violation of the copyright owned by <\/i>https:\/\/www.nevertherightword.com<\/i><\/span><\/a><\/strong>.<\/i><\/p>\n
This article may contain affiliate links. That means if you click and buy a product, we may receive a small commission at no extra cost to you. <\/span><\/em>Never the Right Word is a participant in the Awin Affiliates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to participating merchants.<\/span><\/em>\u00a0For more information, please view our <\/span><\/em>Privacy Policy and Earnings Disclosure page.<\/em><\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n
Look Inward<\/strong><\/h2>\n <\/p>\n
Kids who are used to seeing mean or belligerent behavior at home are the most likely to act them out elsewhere.<\/strong> Therefore It’s important for parents to be mindful of how their behavior might influence their child’s, and to be realistic about whether or not this might be something that’s been modeled for the child.<\/p>\n
Now’s the time to take an honest look at the example you set, because bullying may take place in your household without you even recognizing it.<\/p>\n
Do family members shout at each other when upset, call each other names, or make cutting remarks about one another? Do your kids get physical with each other when they\u2019re angry, or get away with saying hurtful things under the guise of \u201cteasing\u201d?<\/p>\n
If any of this is true, then your first task is creating a positive home environment<\/a><\/strong>\u2014one where all members of the household are treated with respect and empathy.<\/p>\n
After the mother mentioned above was informed of her son’s bully behavior, she and his father worked hard to make certain that the behavior in their home equaled how they were asking their son to behave at school. If you are an educator, we have another helpful article on how to do assess your actions and classroom dynamics with students who bully at school.<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n
\n <\/p>\n
Provide Meaningful Consequences<\/strong><\/h2>\n <\/p>\n
Punishing bully behavior can work well, but only when limited to direct, meaningful consequences. For example, if you discover that your teenager has been cyberbullying others, the consequence would be immediately losing Internet or phone access.<\/p>\n
For especially serious offenses you might remove the privileges for as long as necessary while addressing the behavior with a therapist; but for anything less severe, let them earn back their lost privileges within several days to a week. You must keep in mind, however, that if you remove a privilege for too long, it may lose validity. Your child will be thinking, ‘OK, well, I can never get it back, so I’m just not going to try.’<\/p>\n
“You want to make it so that the time within which punishment happens and the amount of time for which it occurs are balanced to have the most significant effect” says Dr. Kristin Carothers, a psychologist who specializes in childhood and adolescent behavior.<\/p>\n
[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_image src=”https:\/\/www.nevertherightword.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/07\/angry-woman-never-right-word-scaled.jpg” admin_label=”Single Image” _builder_version=”4.4.8″ custom_css_main_element=”}||.wrapper {||position: relative;||height: 0;||\/* Formula is: (height \/ width * 100%) *\/||padding-top: calc(465 \/ 800 * 100%);||}||||.wrapper__img {||position: absolute;||top: 0;||left: 0;||max-width: 100%;||height: auto;” border_radii=”on|5px|5px|5px|5px” box_shadow_style=”preset3″ locked=”on”][\/et_pb_image][et_pb_divider admin_label=”Divider” _builder_version=”3.21.2″ locked=”on”][\/et_pb_divider][et_pb_text admin_label=”Template 4″ _builder_version=”4.9.4″ text_font=”Poppins||||||||” header_font=”||||||||” header_2_font=”||||||||” hover_enabled=”0″ header_2_font_size_tablet=”” header_2_font_size_phone=”26px” header_2_font_size_last_edited=”on|phone” locked=”on” sticky_enabled=”0″]<\/p>\n
Make it Right<\/strong><\/h2>\n <\/p>\n
After your child has gotten their privileges back and calmed down, explain that they made a mistake and will need to make reparations to those who were hurt. This could be done via any number of methods. The most basic would be to apologize, whether in person or via letter, email, or text message, but you might also get creative. \u00a0Help your child bake something for the class, or have them invite a previously excluded classmate over to play.<\/p>\n
Dr. Howard tells about a patient who was caught calling other kids names and blatantly barring them from her group of friends. As an apology, the child\u2019s mother had her host a party and invite all of the kids who had been bullied. “It was a correction,” says Dr. Howard, \u201cand it was sort of [the] mom’s way of re-establishing control.\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\n <\/p>\n
Monitor the Situation<\/strong><\/h2>\n <\/p>\n
If the person who approached you about your child\u2019s bullying was another parent, you should let your child\u2019s teachers know as soon as possible, so that they can help watch out for further problems or improvements. Check in regularly with the teachers, and if your child does improve, be sure to praise them for becoming a better friend.<\/p>\n
Cyberbullying<\/a><\/strong> can be particularly challenging to monitor, mainly because it takes place in chatrooms and text conversations, out of sight. If you find that your child has been bullying others online, get passwords for all of their social media accounts and check on them frequently to make certain that the behavior has improved.<\/p>\n
\n <\/p>\n
Seek Help<\/strong><\/h2>\n <\/p>\n
If you\u2019ve been working on your child\u2019s friendship skills for a period of time and the bullying has not stopped, you should look into getting a mental health evaluation for them. They may be dealing with underlying problems that will need the aid of a therapist or psychiatrist to work through.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\n <\/p>\n
Stay Connected<\/strong><\/h2>\n <\/p>\n
In some ways, the most crucial step you can take is to create open communication about your child\u2019s daily life. This will give you a better position from which to identify the signs of bullying<\/a> <\/strong>and other problems. Dr. Carothers advocates checking in with your child, asking several open-ended questions about their lives each day. “If you want your [child] to talk to you, you have to go and talk to your kid,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n
When Your Child is Passing the Bullying On<\/strong><\/h2>\n <\/p>\n
Kids may bully others because of past or present abuse, bad treatment by older siblings, or because they have been or are being bullied themselves.<\/p>\n
In many cases, children become bullies because they\u2019ve been hurt or vulnerable before, and this feels like a way to shield themselves. If they create a frightening reputation and are able to intimidate others, they won’t be hurt like they otherwise might. Bullying is often a result of emotional or physical damage to the bully themselves.<\/strong><\/p>\n
Explaining this to a child may change their attitude in a surprising way. From the child\u2019s viewpoint, a bully is a monster who terrorizes and holds power over them. Humanizing the perceived monster not only removes much of the emotional power they have over your child, but gives your child an increased sense of compassion and understanding in future. This helps stop the cycle of the bullied becoming bullies.<\/p>\n
Unfortunately, harassment is something most of us will have to deal with multiple times during our lives. Understanding the reasons behind such unwarranted aggression builds resilience and makes it easier to handle as if creating a shield that protects us from others\u2019 poor behavior. This can also help your child not to feel they must protect themselves with bad behavior.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\n <\/p>\n
Help Them to Understand<\/strong><\/h3>\n <\/p>\n
Sometimes children bully each other because they feel that they don\u2019t fit in, and wish they did.<\/strong> This happens most often when the \u201ccool kids\u201d are themselves bullies; children who want to be part of their circle will start picking on others in order to gain approval.<\/p>\n
Again, this is a result of low self-esteem.<\/strong> The bully doesn\u2019t have a good opinion of himself and his worth; the only way he sees to fit in is to join the other bullies. He believes that doing so will increase his value as a person and bring him happiness.<\/p>\n
Explain to your child that the bully\u2019s actions come from a sad place, where their only friendships depend on being mean. This doesn\u2019t make their actions hurt less, but it changes them from a fearful monster to an unhappy child. This, of course, does not mean that the bully shouldn\u2019t face consequences\u2026 but maybe they could also use a real friend.<\/p>\n
Other times, one kid bullies another because they are jealous of something they have or something they did. Many times in these cases, they simply don\u2019t know how to deal with their feelings of jealousy.<\/p>\n
Jealousy is a powerful emotion for anyone to deal with, especially a child.<\/strong> If we don\u2019t rein it in, it can take hold of us and come out as hurtful, harmful words and deeds. When explaining this to your child, prompt them to remember a time when they got jealous. What were their feelings then?<\/p>\n
They might say things like frustrated, mad, or sad. Explain that it can be hard to deal with those feelings, and some people don\u2019t know-how. Remind them how hard it is to be friendly and kind when they\u2019re angry. For a kid who hasn\u2019t learned how to act or react when they feel jealous, it\u2019s easy to give in and be mean.<\/p>\n
By relating feelings of sadness, anger, or jealousy to your child’s own emotions, you can help them to understand bullying better. Knowing what feelings lead to bullying will allow them to gain confidence, and realize that it isn\u2019t their fault they\u2019re being mistreated, and it has no impact on their personal worth.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\n <\/p>\n
Don\u2019t Turn Them Away<\/strong><\/h3>\n <\/p>\n
A child should never feel that they have to deal with being bullied all alone. If you turn them away and don\u2019t let them communicate their feelings to you, it isolates them. Listen carefully to what they\u2019re saying, and let them know that their suffering and unhappiness matter to you.<\/p>\n
When your child isn\u2019t willing to communicate, try your best to coax them out over time. Some kids are scared you\u2019ll take actions that make the bullying worse, or they\u2019re so afraid of their bully that they don\u2019t feel safe anywhere, and don\u2019t want to tell you for fear they\u2019ll get hurt.<\/p>\n
If this is the case, keep working at it with caring and understanding until they open up. You need to know what is going on, even if they\u2019re afraid. One way to help them be brave is to reassure them that the person who\u2019s bullying them has no power over them now. Remind them that while they\u2019re at home, they\u2019re safe.<\/p>\n
Establishing your home as a safe zone can be very important when it comes to bullying. Otherwise, left without relief, they can dig themselves into a hole of frustration, anxiety, and depression which will be difficult to escape from later.<\/strong><\/p>\n
A note about children who often make stories up to get attention. Even if you\u2019re not sure your child is being truthful about the bullying, listen anyway. It\u2019s essential that you take them seriously.<\/p>\n
If you don\u2019t, and they end up being bullied later, they\u2019ll remember you brushing them off in the past and believe you won\u2019t find it important enough to bring up now. Kids remember things like that, even ones who forget everything else.<\/p>\n
Step wisely and carefully when your child brings up the subject of bullying. Even if they are making it up, it\u2019s still a perfect chance to teach them why bullying is wrong and how to deal with it.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\n <\/p>\n
Help Them Find Real Friends<\/strong><\/h3>\n <\/p>\n
It\u2019s bad enough to be bullied alongside friends, but it feels even worse when you\u2019re alone. Good friends who have your back when you\u2019re being bullied gives a person strength to keep going in spite of their troubles. Children who are bullied but still have friends are more likely to be able to cope because their friends will help to validate their worth and boost their self-confidence.<\/p>\n
If your child has no friends, or their current friends are exacerbating their bullying behavior, help them to make connections. Invite kids from school to a party at your house and help your child to be social. Children\u2014even bullies\u2014love parties, and it\u2019s a good way to get everyone interacting and in a good mood.<\/strong><\/p>\n
Encourage your child to interact with others, and make it easy for them to invite classmates over as often as possible. Some parents frequently restrict their child\u2019s ability to have friends over, and while this is completely understandable, it can lead to your child feeling set apart and very socially alone.<\/p>\n
When a kid has a real, faithful friend, their inner foundation is much stronger. They\u2019re more able to withstand distress and insecurity than they are without one. But this doesn\u2019t apply to just anyone they hang out with. A true friend is honest and loyal, someone who your child can trust in times of need.<\/p>\n
When you see your child becoming close to someone like this, encourage it. If their so-called \u201cfriends\u201d are the opposite, don\u2019t outright ban them from hanging out\u2014this often has the opposite effect\u2014but don\u2019t hesitate to gently point out the reasons why the friendship isn\u2019t beneficial.<\/p>\n
The concept of friendship is not always clear to a child. With all of the misleading ideas that are seen in the media and modeled by others, it\u2019s easy for kids to get confused over how a true friend speaks and acts.<\/p>\n
Teach your child how a real friend would treat them. There are times when even someone who your child thought was a friend can turn into a bully. When they understand what having a friend really feels like, it will make it easier for them to differentiate.<\/strong><\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\n <\/p>\n
What About Adults Who Bully?<\/strong><\/h2>\n <\/p>\n
It isn’t just kids who may be bullying your kids. Adults and mentors, even ones that your child looks up to, can be bullies as well. Now, this is tricky because children are incredibly impressionable and absorb information like a sponge.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n
If you can’t remove your child from a negative situation (perhaps it’s your child’s relative who always has something negative to say), you will have to teach your child how to grow a thick skin. In cases like these, the best thing is to help your child change how they look at the bullying.<\/span><\/p>\n
Teach them to recognize right and wrong and let them know that they’re safe at home and that even means adults are not all-powerful. Just because a person thinks a certain thing about them, it doesn’t make it true. Shifting their focus from who doesn’t like them onto who they<\/em>\u00a0like will prepare your kids for the harshness of life.<\/strong><\/p>\n
[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_image src=”https:\/\/www.nevertherightword.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/01\/little-african-girl-never-right-word.jpg” admin_label=”Single Image” _builder_version=”4.4.8″ custom_css_main_element=”}||.wrapper {||position: relative;||height: 0;||\/* Formula is: (height \/ width * 100%) *\/||padding-top: calc(800 \/ 800 * 100%);||}||||.wrapper__img {||position: absolute;||top: 0;||left: 0;||max-width: 100%;||height: auto;” border_radii=”on|5px|5px|5px|5px” box_shadow_style=”preset3″ locked=”on”][\/et_pb_image][et_pb_divider admin_label=”Divider” _builder_version=”3.21.2″ locked=”on”][\/et_pb_divider][et_pb_text admin_label=”Conclusion” _builder_version=”4.9.4″ text_font=”Poppins||||||||” hover_enabled=”0″ locked=”on” sticky_enabled=”0″]<\/p>\n
At Never the Right Word, our aim is to give you practical examples of how to handle life\u2019s difficult conversations. If you have an awkward situation that you\u2019d like example templates for, request a topic here<\/b><\/span><\/a>.\u00a0\u00a0<\/b><\/p>\n
If you\u2019re interested in further reading, we\u2019ve also included links to our trusted resources and related posts below. To find out more\u00a0about NTRW<\/b><\/span><\/a>\u00a0and\u00a0our\u00a0recommended tools<\/b><\/span><\/a>,<\/b> you can do that\u00a0here<\/b>.<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n
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Determination to fit in.<\/strong> Your child could be trying to fit in with friends<\/a><\/strong> who are bullying a particular classmate or group of classmates.<\/h5>\n<\/li>\n
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Deflection.<\/strong> Your child might be getting bullied themselves,<\/u> and being aggressive with others helps them feel empowered and in control.<\/h5>\n<\/li>\n
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Acting out for attention.<\/strong> Your child might be looking for attention they haven\u2019t been able to get in other ways, whether from parents, teachers, or classmates.<\/h5>\n<\/li>\n
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Insensitivity to other children’s feelings.<\/strong> Your child may be naturally more assertive and reckless than others their age.\u00a0They may not fully understand how their actions and words are making others feel. This is especially common with younger children.<\/h5>\n<\/li>\n
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Overly sensitive to other children’s behavior.<\/strong> Your child may be overly sensitive and see their classmates as acting hostile even when they\u2019re not.<\/h5>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
By talking to your child about their bullying, learning about what\u2019s going on from their point of view, and teaching them better social behavior, you can limit bullying and help your child deal with whatever issues may have started it.<\/p>\n
Here are some ways to be sure that your child forms healthy, considerate relationships with their peers.<\/p>\n
[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_image src=”https:\/\/www.nevertherightword.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/01\/sad-young-girl-never-right-word.jpg” admin_label=”Single Image” _builder_version=”4.4.8″ custom_css_main_element=”}||.wrapper {||position: relative;||height: 0;||\/* Formula is: (height \/ width * 100%) *\/||padding-top: calc(995 \/ 800 * 100%);||}||||.wrapper__img {||position: absolute;||top: 0;||left: 0;||max-width: 100%;||height: auto;” border_radii=”on|5px|5px|5px|5px” box_shadow_style=”preset3″ locked=”on”][\/et_pb_image][et_pb_divider admin_label=”Divider” _builder_version=”3.21.2″ locked=”on”][\/et_pb_divider][et_pb_text admin_label=”Template 2″ _builder_version=”4.9.4″ text_font=”Poppins||||||||” header_font=”||||||||” header_2_font=”||||||||” hover_enabled=”0″ locked=”on” sticky_enabled=”0″]<\/p>\n
Communicate<\/strong><\/h2>\n
<\/p>\n
If someone tells you that your child is bullying others, your first step should be to have a talk with your child. \u00a0Don\u2019t downplay the importance of the issue, but don\u2019t pass judgment right away. Be clear that you\u2019d like to hear your child\u2019s point of view.<\/p>\n
You could say, “Your teacher called me earlier and said that you\u2019ve been bullying some of the other kids. That\u2019s really concerning to me, and we need to have an honest discussion. Please explain what happened.”<\/p>\n
When you and your child talk through the situation, it can help you to understand what\u2019s behind their aggression, and what can be done to stop it. After one mother was informed that her child was bullying some of his classmates, she and his father had numerous heart-to-heart talks with him, trying to find the root causes behind his behavior.<\/p>\n
Through discussions and questioning, they learned that their son had very poor self-esteem, and harassing his classmates made him feel powerful and in control. The boy confessed that it felt good to be known as \u201cthe worst kid in school\u201d, instead of being invisible as he had been before.<\/p>\n
In other cases, children may be unable to articulate the reasons for their bullying. Younger kids and those who are suffering from anxiety<\/a>,<\/strong> trauma<\/strong><\/a>, or other mental health issues may have particular difficulty. If you\u2019re finding it hard to get the full picture, you may want to consult an experienced child psychologist or psychiatrist, who will be better able to evaluate your child\u2019s behavior.<\/p>\n
\n<\/p>\n
Prepare Ahead<\/strong><\/h2>\n
<\/p>\n
After you\u2019ve dug down the source of the issue, customize your response to your child\u2019s specific social challenges.<\/a><\/strong> Talk about theoretical situations that would be hard for them to handle, and help them figure out appropriate ways to do so.<\/p>\n
\n
If other kids ask to play, tell them yes. It\u2019s important for you to include others when you can, and to use only respectful language when you have to refuse.<\/strong><\/h5>\n<\/blockquote>\n
“Have lots of different solutions to various issues that are likely to come up, and give clear examples about how you expect your child to respond,” Dr. Howard explains. “I would try to frame it as friendship behavior, rather than, ‘Don’t be a bully.’ Kids respond better to being told what to do than what not to do.”<\/p>\n
It can also be helpful to have your child look at the situation from the perspective of the child who\u2019s being bullied. Have them recall a time when they felt hurt or left out because of someone else\u2019s actions. Remind them that they\u2019re causing their classmate to feel this same way when they treat them badly.<\/p>\n
[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_image src=”https:\/\/www.nevertherightword.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/01\/young-chinese-child-never-right-word.jpg” admin_label=”Single Image” _builder_version=”4.4.8″ custom_css_main_element=”}||.wrapper {||position: relative;||height: 0;||\/* Formula is: (height \/ width * 100%) *\/||padding-top: calc(800 \/ 800 * 100%);||}||||.wrapper__img {||position: absolute;||top: 0;||left: 0;||max-width: 100%;||height: auto;” border_radii=”on|5px|5px|5px|5px” box_shadow_style=”preset3″ locked=”on”][\/et_pb_image][et_pb_text admin_label=”Copyright and Affiliate Links Notice” _builder_version=”4.9.4″ text_font_size=”16px” text_line_height=”1.8em” global_module=”10507″ locked=”on”]<\/p>\n
Illustrations courtesy of <\/i>Shutterstock<\/strong>.<\/i><\/span><\/a><\/p>\n
This article was originally published on <\/i>https:\/\/www.nevertherightword.com<\/i><\/span><\/a><\/strong>. If this article appears on any other site other than <\/i>https:\/\/www.nevertherightword.com<\/i><\/span><\/a><\/strong> without clear referencing it is a violation of the copyright owned by <\/i>https:\/\/www.nevertherightword.com<\/i><\/span><\/a><\/strong>.<\/i><\/p>\n
This article may contain affiliate links. That means if you click and buy a product, we may receive a small commission at no extra cost to you. <\/span><\/em>Never the Right Word is a participant in the Awin Affiliates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to participating merchants.<\/span><\/em>\u00a0For more information, please view our <\/span><\/em>Privacy Policy and Earnings Disclosure page.<\/em><\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n
Look Inward<\/strong><\/h2>\n
<\/p>\n
Kids who are used to seeing mean or belligerent behavior at home are the most likely to act them out elsewhere.<\/strong> Therefore It’s important for parents to be mindful of how their behavior might influence their child’s, and to be realistic about whether or not this might be something that’s been modeled for the child.<\/p>\n
Now’s the time to take an honest look at the example you set, because bullying may take place in your household without you even recognizing it.<\/p>\n
Do family members shout at each other when upset, call each other names, or make cutting remarks about one another? Do your kids get physical with each other when they\u2019re angry, or get away with saying hurtful things under the guise of \u201cteasing\u201d?<\/p>\n
If any of this is true, then your first task is creating a positive home environment<\/a><\/strong>\u2014one where all members of the household are treated with respect and empathy.<\/p>\n
After the mother mentioned above was informed of her son’s bully behavior, she and his father worked hard to make certain that the behavior in their home equaled how they were asking their son to behave at school. If you are an educator, we have another helpful article on how to do assess your actions and classroom dynamics with students who bully at school.<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n
\n<\/p>\n
Provide Meaningful Consequences<\/strong><\/h2>\n
<\/p>\n
Punishing bully behavior can work well, but only when limited to direct, meaningful consequences. For example, if you discover that your teenager has been cyberbullying others, the consequence would be immediately losing Internet or phone access.<\/p>\n
For especially serious offenses you might remove the privileges for as long as necessary while addressing the behavior with a therapist; but for anything less severe, let them earn back their lost privileges within several days to a week. You must keep in mind, however, that if you remove a privilege for too long, it may lose validity. Your child will be thinking, ‘OK, well, I can never get it back, so I’m just not going to try.’<\/p>\n
“You want to make it so that the time within which punishment happens and the amount of time for which it occurs are balanced to have the most significant effect” says Dr. Kristin Carothers, a psychologist who specializes in childhood and adolescent behavior.<\/p>\n
[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_image src=”https:\/\/www.nevertherightword.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/07\/angry-woman-never-right-word-scaled.jpg” admin_label=”Single Image” _builder_version=”4.4.8″ custom_css_main_element=”}||.wrapper {||position: relative;||height: 0;||\/* Formula is: (height \/ width * 100%) *\/||padding-top: calc(465 \/ 800 * 100%);||}||||.wrapper__img {||position: absolute;||top: 0;||left: 0;||max-width: 100%;||height: auto;” border_radii=”on|5px|5px|5px|5px” box_shadow_style=”preset3″ locked=”on”][\/et_pb_image][et_pb_divider admin_label=”Divider” _builder_version=”3.21.2″ locked=”on”][\/et_pb_divider][et_pb_text admin_label=”Template 4″ _builder_version=”4.9.4″ text_font=”Poppins||||||||” header_font=”||||||||” header_2_font=”||||||||” hover_enabled=”0″ header_2_font_size_tablet=”” header_2_font_size_phone=”26px” header_2_font_size_last_edited=”on|phone” locked=”on” sticky_enabled=”0″]<\/p>\n
Make it Right<\/strong><\/h2>\n
<\/p>\n
After your child has gotten their privileges back and calmed down, explain that they made a mistake and will need to make reparations to those who were hurt. This could be done via any number of methods. The most basic would be to apologize, whether in person or via letter, email, or text message, but you might also get creative. \u00a0Help your child bake something for the class, or have them invite a previously excluded classmate over to play.<\/p>\n
Dr. Howard tells about a patient who was caught calling other kids names and blatantly barring them from her group of friends. As an apology, the child\u2019s mother had her host a party and invite all of the kids who had been bullied. “It was a correction,” says Dr. Howard, \u201cand it was sort of [the] mom’s way of re-establishing control.\u201d<\/p>\n
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Monitor the Situation<\/strong><\/h2>\n
<\/p>\n
If the person who approached you about your child\u2019s bullying was another parent, you should let your child\u2019s teachers know as soon as possible, so that they can help watch out for further problems or improvements. Check in regularly with the teachers, and if your child does improve, be sure to praise them for becoming a better friend.<\/p>\n
Cyberbullying<\/a><\/strong> can be particularly challenging to monitor, mainly because it takes place in chatrooms and text conversations, out of sight. If you find that your child has been bullying others online, get passwords for all of their social media accounts and check on them frequently to make certain that the behavior has improved.<\/p>\n
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Seek Help<\/strong><\/h2>\n
<\/p>\n
If you\u2019ve been working on your child\u2019s friendship skills for a period of time and the bullying has not stopped, you should look into getting a mental health evaluation for them. They may be dealing with underlying problems that will need the aid of a therapist or psychiatrist to work through.<\/p>\n
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Stay Connected<\/strong><\/h2>\n
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In some ways, the most crucial step you can take is to create open communication about your child\u2019s daily life. This will give you a better position from which to identify the signs of bullying<\/a> <\/strong>and other problems. Dr. Carothers advocates checking in with your child, asking several open-ended questions about their lives each day. “If you want your [child] to talk to you, you have to go and talk to your kid,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n
When Your Child is Passing the Bullying On<\/strong><\/h2>\n
<\/p>\n
Kids may bully others because of past or present abuse, bad treatment by older siblings, or because they have been or are being bullied themselves.<\/p>\n
In many cases, children become bullies because they\u2019ve been hurt or vulnerable before, and this feels like a way to shield themselves. If they create a frightening reputation and are able to intimidate others, they won’t be hurt like they otherwise might. Bullying is often a result of emotional or physical damage to the bully themselves.<\/strong><\/p>\n
Explaining this to a child may change their attitude in a surprising way. From the child\u2019s viewpoint, a bully is a monster who terrorizes and holds power over them. Humanizing the perceived monster not only removes much of the emotional power they have over your child, but gives your child an increased sense of compassion and understanding in future. This helps stop the cycle of the bullied becoming bullies.<\/p>\n
Unfortunately, harassment is something most of us will have to deal with multiple times during our lives. Understanding the reasons behind such unwarranted aggression builds resilience and makes it easier to handle as if creating a shield that protects us from others\u2019 poor behavior. This can also help your child not to feel they must protect themselves with bad behavior.<\/p>\n
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Help Them to Understand<\/strong><\/h3>\n
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Sometimes children bully each other because they feel that they don\u2019t fit in, and wish they did.<\/strong> This happens most often when the \u201ccool kids\u201d are themselves bullies; children who want to be part of their circle will start picking on others in order to gain approval.<\/p>\n
Again, this is a result of low self-esteem.<\/strong> The bully doesn\u2019t have a good opinion of himself and his worth; the only way he sees to fit in is to join the other bullies. He believes that doing so will increase his value as a person and bring him happiness.<\/p>\n
Explain to your child that the bully\u2019s actions come from a sad place, where their only friendships depend on being mean. This doesn\u2019t make their actions hurt less, but it changes them from a fearful monster to an unhappy child. This, of course, does not mean that the bully shouldn\u2019t face consequences\u2026 but maybe they could also use a real friend.<\/p>\n
Other times, one kid bullies another because they are jealous of something they have or something they did. Many times in these cases, they simply don\u2019t know how to deal with their feelings of jealousy.<\/p>\n
Jealousy is a powerful emotion for anyone to deal with, especially a child.<\/strong> If we don\u2019t rein it in, it can take hold of us and come out as hurtful, harmful words and deeds. When explaining this to your child, prompt them to remember a time when they got jealous. What were their feelings then?<\/p>\n
They might say things like frustrated, mad, or sad. Explain that it can be hard to deal with those feelings, and some people don\u2019t know-how. Remind them how hard it is to be friendly and kind when they\u2019re angry. For a kid who hasn\u2019t learned how to act or react when they feel jealous, it\u2019s easy to give in and be mean.<\/p>\n
By relating feelings of sadness, anger, or jealousy to your child’s own emotions, you can help them to understand bullying better. Knowing what feelings lead to bullying will allow them to gain confidence, and realize that it isn\u2019t their fault they\u2019re being mistreated, and it has no impact on their personal worth.<\/p>\n
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Don\u2019t Turn Them Away<\/strong><\/h3>\n
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A child should never feel that they have to deal with being bullied all alone. If you turn them away and don\u2019t let them communicate their feelings to you, it isolates them. Listen carefully to what they\u2019re saying, and let them know that their suffering and unhappiness matter to you.<\/p>\n
When your child isn\u2019t willing to communicate, try your best to coax them out over time. Some kids are scared you\u2019ll take actions that make the bullying worse, or they\u2019re so afraid of their bully that they don\u2019t feel safe anywhere, and don\u2019t want to tell you for fear they\u2019ll get hurt.<\/p>\n
If this is the case, keep working at it with caring and understanding until they open up. You need to know what is going on, even if they\u2019re afraid. One way to help them be brave is to reassure them that the person who\u2019s bullying them has no power over them now. Remind them that while they\u2019re at home, they\u2019re safe.<\/p>\n
Establishing your home as a safe zone can be very important when it comes to bullying. Otherwise, left without relief, they can dig themselves into a hole of frustration, anxiety, and depression which will be difficult to escape from later.<\/strong><\/p>\n
A note about children who often make stories up to get attention. Even if you\u2019re not sure your child is being truthful about the bullying, listen anyway. It\u2019s essential that you take them seriously.<\/p>\n
If you don\u2019t, and they end up being bullied later, they\u2019ll remember you brushing them off in the past and believe you won\u2019t find it important enough to bring up now. Kids remember things like that, even ones who forget everything else.<\/p>\n
Step wisely and carefully when your child brings up the subject of bullying. Even if they are making it up, it\u2019s still a perfect chance to teach them why bullying is wrong and how to deal with it.<\/p>\n
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Help Them Find Real Friends<\/strong><\/h3>\n
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It\u2019s bad enough to be bullied alongside friends, but it feels even worse when you\u2019re alone. Good friends who have your back when you\u2019re being bullied gives a person strength to keep going in spite of their troubles. Children who are bullied but still have friends are more likely to be able to cope because their friends will help to validate their worth and boost their self-confidence.<\/p>\n
If your child has no friends, or their current friends are exacerbating their bullying behavior, help them to make connections. Invite kids from school to a party at your house and help your child to be social. Children\u2014even bullies\u2014love parties, and it\u2019s a good way to get everyone interacting and in a good mood.<\/strong><\/p>\n
Encourage your child to interact with others, and make it easy for them to invite classmates over as often as possible. Some parents frequently restrict their child\u2019s ability to have friends over, and while this is completely understandable, it can lead to your child feeling set apart and very socially alone.<\/p>\n
When a kid has a real, faithful friend, their inner foundation is much stronger. They\u2019re more able to withstand distress and insecurity than they are without one. But this doesn\u2019t apply to just anyone they hang out with. A true friend is honest and loyal, someone who your child can trust in times of need.<\/p>\n
When you see your child becoming close to someone like this, encourage it. If their so-called \u201cfriends\u201d are the opposite, don\u2019t outright ban them from hanging out\u2014this often has the opposite effect\u2014but don\u2019t hesitate to gently point out the reasons why the friendship isn\u2019t beneficial.<\/p>\n
The concept of friendship is not always clear to a child. With all of the misleading ideas that are seen in the media and modeled by others, it\u2019s easy for kids to get confused over how a true friend speaks and acts.<\/p>\n
Teach your child how a real friend would treat them. There are times when even someone who your child thought was a friend can turn into a bully. When they understand what having a friend really feels like, it will make it easier for them to differentiate.<\/strong><\/p>\n
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What About Adults Who Bully?<\/strong><\/h2>\n
<\/p>\n
It isn’t just kids who may be bullying your kids. Adults and mentors, even ones that your child looks up to, can be bullies as well. Now, this is tricky because children are incredibly impressionable and absorb information like a sponge.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n
If you can’t remove your child from a negative situation (perhaps it’s your child’s relative who always has something negative to say), you will have to teach your child how to grow a thick skin. In cases like these, the best thing is to help your child change how they look at the bullying.<\/span><\/p>\n
Teach them to recognize right and wrong and let them know that they’re safe at home and that even means adults are not all-powerful. Just because a person thinks a certain thing about them, it doesn’t make it true. Shifting their focus from who doesn’t like them onto who they<\/em>\u00a0like will prepare your kids for the harshness of life.<\/strong><\/p>\n
[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_image src=”https:\/\/www.nevertherightword.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/01\/little-african-girl-never-right-word.jpg” admin_label=”Single Image” _builder_version=”4.4.8″ custom_css_main_element=”}||.wrapper {||position: relative;||height: 0;||\/* Formula is: (height \/ width * 100%) *\/||padding-top: calc(800 \/ 800 * 100%);||}||||.wrapper__img {||position: absolute;||top: 0;||left: 0;||max-width: 100%;||height: auto;” border_radii=”on|5px|5px|5px|5px” box_shadow_style=”preset3″ locked=”on”][\/et_pb_image][et_pb_divider admin_label=”Divider” _builder_version=”3.21.2″ locked=”on”][\/et_pb_divider][et_pb_text admin_label=”Conclusion” _builder_version=”4.9.4″ text_font=”Poppins||||||||” hover_enabled=”0″ locked=”on” sticky_enabled=”0″]<\/p>\n
At Never the Right Word, our aim is to give you practical examples of how to handle life\u2019s difficult conversations. If you have an awkward situation that you\u2019d like example templates for, request a topic here<\/b><\/span><\/a>.\u00a0\u00a0<\/b><\/p>\n
If you\u2019re interested in further reading, we\u2019ve also included links to our trusted resources and related posts below. To find out more\u00a0about NTRW<\/b><\/span><\/a>\u00a0and\u00a0our\u00a0recommended tools<\/b><\/span><\/a>,<\/b> you can do that\u00a0here<\/b>.<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n
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