[et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ fullwidth=”on” admin_label=”Fullwidth Post Title Header” _builder_version=”4.9.4″ background_color=”#f7f7f7″ use_background_color_gradient=”on” background_color_gradient_start=”rgba(255,255,255,0.3)” background_color_gradient_end=”rgba(33,51,101,0)” parallax=”on” custom_margin=”0px||0px||false|false” custom_padding=”0px|0px|0px|0px|false|false” box_shadow_style=”preset3″ global_module=”767″ saved_tabs=”all” locked=”on” collapsed=”on”][et_pb_fullwidth_post_title author=”off” date=”off” comments=”off” featured_placement=”background” text_background=”on” text_bg_color=”rgba(255,255,255,0.5)” admin_label=”Fullwidth Post Title” _builder_version=”4.9.4″ title_font=”Playfair Display|900|||on||||” title_text_align=”center” title_text_color=”#213365″ title_font_size=”55px” meta_font=”Poppins|500|on||||||” meta_text_align=”center” meta_font_size=”14px” meta_letter_spacing=”2px” meta_line_height=”1.8em” background_color=”#f7f7f7″ background_color_gradient_direction=”245deg” custom_padding=”130px||250px|||” custom_padding_tablet=”150px||150px” custom_padding_phone=”50px||50px” custom_padding_last_edited=”on|desktop” title_font_size_tablet=”45px” title_font_size_phone=”40px” title_font_size_last_edited=”on|phone” border_radii=”on|5px|5px|5px|5px” border_width_all=”1px” border_color_all=”RGBA(0,0,0,0)” box_shadow_style=”preset3″ locked=”on”][\/et_pb_fullwidth_post_title][\/et_pb_section][et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ admin_label=”Post Content” _builder_version=”4.9.0″][et_pb_row column_structure=”3_4,1_4″ admin_label=”Post Content” _builder_version=”4.9.0″][et_pb_column type=”3_4″ _builder_version=”3.25″ custom_padding=”|||” custom_padding__hover=”|||”][et_pb_text admin_label=”Introduction” _builder_version=”4.9.4″ text_font=”Poppins||||||||” hover_enabled=”0″ locked=”on” sticky_enabled=”0″]<\/p>\n
Telling your children that you are separating from your partner can be one of the most heart-wrenching experiences that many people will ever have to face. For children, it can seem like their entire world has totally fallen apart and for parents, the guilt can be overwhelming.<\/strong><\/p>\n
E<\/span>ven<\/span> the most amicable of separations can create significant change for a child. <\/span><\/p>\n
Once this news is out and known to them, they are likely to feel anxious about things like where they’ll live or go to school. <\/span><\/p>\n
They may even have a lot of questions for you, so it is important to think over and be prepared to share some details with them. Of course, all this has to be done with the utmost care, and most importantly, it is too crucial to assure them that they’ll be cared for and loved, no matter what.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n
There’s no easy way to tell your child or children that their parents will be divorcing, but there are several ways to do this that will make the process less painful:\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n
Ideally, parents should break the news as a team and must agree on what they tell their child. Your child will be able to trust you and they will hear the facts; not one version of the story.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n
Children, who are very young especially, can blame themselves for such happenings. They could see this as betrayal, or criticism, or worse, blame themselves entirely for the divorce. Explain to them that they have nothing to do with the separation.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n
You could be divorcing on various grounds but your child does not need to know all the details about them particularly if it pains one parent in a bad light. Also, avoid sharing legal issues.<\/p>\n
You may get a strong reaction or no reaction \u2013 everything is \u201cnormal\u201d at this early stage. Try to acknowledge and accept their reactions. Try not to be offended or affronted if they appear to ignore the news.\u00a0<\/span>However<\/span> they react, they will have heard you and will be processing what they\u2019ve heard in their own way and at their own speed.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n
If you and your ex have said or say something blaming or bitter about the other within your children\u2019s earshot, then apologizing for that is always good. You could say to your child: I\u2019m sorry; I shouldn\u2019t have spoken like that about Mum\/Dad. I\u2019m feeling cross with her\/him at the moment, but I really understand that you don\u2019t want to have to hear that.<\/em><\/strong> It\u2019s never too late to start a new way of relating to the family.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n
How to tell your children that you are divorcing. We asked 6 parents for their advice and this is what they told us this\u2026<\/span><\/b>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n
Illustrations courtesy of Shutterstock.<\/strong><\/a><\/em><\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\n\u201cIt\u2019s easy to push the blame onto the \u2018guilty\u2019 party and to show your anger, but this is never the best way. <\/span><\/span>You end up passing your resentment onto them. <\/span><\/span><\/strong><\/h5>\n
I told mine by myself so that they wouldn\u2019t pick up on my body language and facial expressions; it would have been different if their mother had been in the room. I had to suppress my own emotions and focus on theirs.<\/span><\/span><\/strong><\/h5>\n
It was tempting to be horrible about their mother and to critici<\/span><\/span>z<\/span><\/span>e her but instead I just\u00a0<\/span><\/span>emphasi<\/span><\/span>z<\/span><\/span>ed<\/span><\/span> the positives: two homes, two families, two lots of holidays…<\/span><\/span><\/strong><\/h5>\n
I also kept telling them that we both loved them which is really important for them to hear.\u201d<\/span><\/span><\/strong>\u00a0<\/span><\/h5>\n<\/blockquote>\n
[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_image src=”https:\/\/www.nevertherightword.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/01\/family-love-never-right-word.jpg” alt=”Portrait of Mother, Father and Children Illustration” title_text=”family-love-never-right-word” admin_label=”Single Image” _builder_version=”4.9.4″ custom_css_main_element=”}||.wrapper {||position: relative;||height: 0;||\/* Formula is: (height \/ width * 100%) *\/||padding-top: calc(800 \/ 800 * 100%);||}||||.wrapper__img {||position: absolute;||top: 0;||left: 0;||max-width: 100%;||height: auto;” border_radii=”on|5px|5px|5px|5px” box_shadow_style=”preset3″ locked=”on”][\/et_pb_image][et_pb_divider admin_label=”Divider” _builder_version=”3.23.4″ height=”0px” locked=”on”][\/et_pb_divider][et_pb_text admin_label=”Template 2″ _builder_version=”4.9.4″ text_font=”Poppins||||||||” header_font=”||||||||” header_2_font=”||||||||” locked=”on”]<\/p>\n
Template 2 | When Parents Are Separating but Planning to Remain Friends and Share Responsibility for the Children<\/strong><\/h2>\n
<\/p>\n
\n\u201cYou should try and adopt a united front and approach it together. <\/span><\/span>Prepare your words and take out any that imply blame or responsibility. <\/span><\/span><\/strong><\/h5>\n
Reassure your child(ren) that you both love them unconditionally. Keep repeating this mantra but focus on the idea that you will both be happier apart in the long term.\u00a0 <\/span><\/span><\/strong><\/h5>\n
A good tip is to tell them at the beginning of a weekend (before the separation itself takes place) so that they have a chance to get used to the idea and to ask any questions.\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/strong><\/h5>\n<\/blockquote>\n
[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_image src=”https:\/\/www.nevertherightword.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/10\/family-watching-television-never-right-word-scaled.jpg” alt=”Family at Home Vector Illustration” title_text=”family-watching-television-never-right-word” admin_label=”Single Image” _builder_version=”4.9.4″ custom_css_main_element=”}||.wrapper {||position: relative;||height: 0;||\/* Formula is: (height \/ width * 100%) *\/||padding-top: calc(800 \/ 800 * 100%);||}||||.wrapper__img {||position: absolute;||top: 0;||left: 0;||max-width: 100%;||height: auto;” border_radii=”on|5px|5px|5px|5px” box_shadow_style=”preset3″ locked=”on”][\/et_pb_image][et_pb_divider admin_label=”Divider” _builder_version=”3.23.4″ height=”0px” locked=”on”][\/et_pb_divider][et_pb_text admin_label=”Template 3″ _builder_version=”4.9.4″ text_font=”Poppins||||||||” header_font=”||||||||” header_2_font=”||||||||” header_2_font_size_tablet=”” header_2_font_size_phone=”26px” header_2_font_size_last_edited=”on|phone” locked=”on”]<\/p>\n
Template 3 | When One Parent Has Been Violent or Abusive and Will Have Limited Access to the Children<\/strong><\/h2>\n
<\/p>\n
\n\u201cMy daughter doted on her father. I had to explain that he wasn\u2019t the person she thought he was.<\/span><\/span><\/strong><\/h5>\n
I didn\u2019t lie to her, but I also didn\u2019t tell her the entire truth. <\/span><\/span><\/strong><\/h5>\n
She needed to know that Daddy had a temper and that he lashed out sometimes which made Mummy frightened. I explained that he was unwell and that he was getting help to make him better.<\/span><\/span><\/strong><\/h5>\n
I reassured her that we both loved her very much and promised that I would try and help him as much as I could.\u201d<\/span><\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/strong><\/h5>\n<\/blockquote>\n
[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_image src=”https:\/\/www.nevertherightword.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/10\/abusive-female-male-never-right-word.jpg” alt=”Illustration of Angry Woman Boss Character Yelling Man. Family Problems, Pressure at Work, Psychological Abuse” title_text=”abusive-female-male-never-right-word” admin_label=”Single Image” _builder_version=”4.9.4″ custom_css_main_element=”}||.wrapper {||position: relative;||height: 0;||\/* Formula is: (height \/ width * 100%) *\/||padding-top: calc(800 \/ 800 * 100%);||}||||.wrapper__img {||position: absolute;||top: 0;||left: 0;||max-width: 100%;||height: auto;” border_radii=”on|5px|5px|5px|5px” box_shadow_style=”preset3″ locked=”on”][\/et_pb_image][et_pb_divider admin_label=”Divider” _builder_version=”3.23.4″ height=”0px” locked=”on”][\/et_pb_divider][et_pb_text admin_label=”Template 4″ _builder_version=”4.9.4″ text_font=”Poppins||||||||” header_font=”||||||||” header_2_font=”||||||||” header_2_font_size_tablet=”” header_2_font_size_phone=”26px” header_2_font_size_last_edited=”on|phone” locked=”on”]<\/p>\n
Template 4 | When You Know That It\u2019s Going to Get Messy and End in a Custody Battle<\/strong><\/h2>\n
<\/p>\n
\n\u201cWhen our relationship went sour, I knew that it wouldn\u2019t end well. <\/span><\/span><\/strong><\/h5>\n
I had to protect my babies though but tried to be as honest as possible with them.\u00a0 I kept reinforcing that Mammy and Daddy were arguing only because they both loved them so much.<\/span><\/span><\/strong><\/h5>\n
I also felt it was important to keep asking them about how they were feeling. <\/span><\/span><\/strong><\/h5>\n
At one point I was devastated when they told me they liked Daddy\u2019s new house and garden better because they had their own rooms. At that point I knew I had to compromise \u2013 children aren\u2019t pawns and they shouldn\u2019t be expected to choose sides. <\/span><\/span><\/strong><\/h5>\n
So, I bit my tongue and focused on the needs and interests of the children without the need for the courts to be involved.\u201d<\/strong>\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/h5>\n<\/blockquote>\n
[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_image src=”https:\/\/www.nevertherightword.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/10\/divorce-heartbreak-never-right-word-scaled.jpg” alt=”Divorce Vector Illustration” title_text=”divorce-heartbreak-never-right-word” admin_label=”Single Image” _builder_version=”4.9.4″ custom_css_main_element=”}||.wrapper {||position: relative;||height: 0;||\/* Formula is: (height \/ width * 100%) *\/||padding-top: calc(800 \/ 800 * 100%);||}||||.wrapper__img {||position: absolute;||top: 0;||left: 0;||max-width: 100%;||height: auto;” border_radii=”on|5px|5px|5px|5px” box_shadow_style=”preset3″ locked=”on”][\/et_pb_image][et_pb_divider admin_label=”Divider” _builder_version=”3.23.4″ height=”0px” locked=”on”][\/et_pb_divider][et_pb_text admin_label=”Template 5″ _builder_version=”4.9.4″ text_font=”Poppins||||||||” header_font=”||||||||” header_2_font=”||||||||” locked=”on”]<\/p>\n
Template 5 | When the Divorce Is Likely to End Up With the Children Having to Leave the Family Home and Move Away<\/strong><\/h2>\n
<\/p>\n
\n\u201cWhen my husband and I got divorced, I knew that I would have to move away. <\/span><\/span><\/strong><\/h5>\n
His family were dominant and <\/span><\/span>judgmental<\/span><\/span>, and I felt my every move was being closely scrutinized. The only option was for me to start afresh. I decided to move closer to my own family. <\/span><\/span><\/strong><\/h5>\n
The children were devastated of course, but my husband worked away a lot, so it was a bit easier for me to convince them (and him!) that it would be for the best.<\/span><\/span><\/strong><\/h5>\n
I focused on the positives as much as I could – a really good school, fantastic playgrounds and countryside, near to their cousins, and so on. <\/span><\/span><\/strong><\/h5>\n
I also reassured them that their father would continue to be a massive part of their lives.\u201d<\/span><\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/strong><\/h5>\n<\/blockquote>\n
[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_image src=”https:\/\/www.nevertherightword.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/07\/moving-house-never-right-word-scaled.jpg” alt=”Vector Illustration of Service for Moving and Transporting Things and Objects. Vector Hypertrophied Flat People Pack and Transport Furniture to a New Place” title_text=”moving-house-never-right-word” admin_label=”Single Image” _builder_version=”4.9.4″ custom_css_main_element=”}||.wrapper {||position: relative;||height: 0;||\/* Formula is: (height \/ width * 100%) *\/||padding-top: calc(800 \/ 800 * 100%);||}||||.wrapper__img {||position: absolute;||top: 0;||left: 0;||max-width: 100%;||height: auto;” border_radii=”on|5px|5px|5px|5px” box_shadow_style=”preset3″ locked=”on”][\/et_pb_image][et_pb_text admin_label=”Copyright and Affiliate Links Notice” _builder_version=”4.9.4″ text_font_size=”16px” text_line_height=”1.8em” global_module=”10507″ locked=”on”]<\/p>\n
Illustrations courtesy of <\/i>Shutterstock<\/strong>.<\/i><\/span><\/a><\/p>\n
This article was originally published on <\/i>https:\/\/www.nevertherightword.com<\/i><\/span><\/a><\/strong>. If this article appears on any other site other than <\/i>https:\/\/www.nevertherightword.com<\/i><\/span><\/a><\/strong> without clear referencing it is a violation of the copyright owned by <\/i>https:\/\/www.nevertherightword.com<\/i><\/span><\/a><\/strong>.<\/i><\/p>\n
This article may contain affiliate links. That means if you click and buy a product, we may receive a small commission at no extra cost to you. <\/span><\/em>Never the Right Word is a participant in the Awin Affiliates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to participating merchants.<\/span><\/em>\u00a0For more information, please view our <\/span><\/em>Privacy Policy and Earnings Disclosure page.<\/em><\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n
Template 6 | When the Children Are Just Too Young to Understand the Situation<\/strong><\/h2>\n
<\/p>\n
\n\u201cKeep it simple but truthful. <\/span><\/span><\/strong><\/h5>\n
We split when my children were only 1 and 3. They really didn\u2019t have any idea about what was going on.\u00a0 <\/span><\/span><\/strong><\/h5>\n
He just drifted out of our lives and moved on with someone else, but they had grandparents and aunts and uncles who really wanted to continue to be a part of their lives.\u00a0 <\/span><\/span><\/strong><\/h5>\n
When they asked about Daddy, I just told them he wasn\u2019t here at the moment but that he loved them, and he would come and see them as soon as he could, which was true. <\/span><\/span><\/strong><\/h5>\n
I kept the communication channels open though at all times and made sure his family saw them as much as I possibly could.\u201d<\/span><\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/strong><\/h5>\n<\/blockquote>\n
[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_image src=”https:\/\/www.nevertherightword.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/08\/post-natal-depression-never-right-word.jpg” alt=”Sad Tired Woman Leaning Over Newborn Baby Sleeping in Crib and Covering Face With Hand. Concept of Postpartum or Postnatal Depression, Mood Disorder Following Childbirth” title_text=”post-natal-depression-never-right-word” admin_label=”Single Image” _builder_version=”4.9.4″ custom_css_main_element=”}||.wrapper {||position: relative;||height: 0;||\/* Formula is: (height \/ width * 100%) *\/||padding-top: calc(535 \/ 800 * 100%);||}||||.wrapper__img {||position: absolute;||top: 0;||left: 0;||max-width: 100%;||height: auto;” border_radii=”on|5px|5px|5px|5px” box_shadow_style=”preset3″ locked=”on”][\/et_pb_image][et_pb_divider admin_label=”Divider” _builder_version=”3.23.4″ height=”0px” locked=”on”][\/et_pb_divider][et_pb_text admin_label=”Conclusion” _builder_version=”4.4.6″ text_font=”Poppins||||||||” locked=”on”]<\/p>\n
So, the advice is, to remain calm, rational, and blameless wherever you can.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n
Always remember children feel the effects of separation and divorce more than parents do. It is important to try and reassure them as much as possible. Try to keep them informed about what is happening to prevent them from worrying and remember to keep telling them how much you both love them despite no longer loving each other. <\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n
Peaceful co-parenting is ideal but if that\u2019s not achievable, then you should at least aim to pause any hostility between you whenever the children are around.<\/span><\/p>\n
If you\u2019re interested in further reading, we\u2019ve also included links to our trusted resources and related posts below. To find out more\u00a0about NTRW<\/b><\/span><\/a>\u00a0and\u00a0our\u00a0recommended tools<\/b><\/span><\/a>,<\/b> you can do that\u00a0here<\/b>.<\/span><\/a>\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n
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