1 | Confession and Apology

If you find out you blamed the wrong person for something they didn’t do, you owe them a big apology. It is better to do it as soon as you find out.

Tell them you are truly and genuinely sorry and ask for their forgiveness. Tell them you were wrong in jumping to a conclusion as fast as you did without having all the facts and ask them what you can do to fix it.

It is embarrassing for you but it is worse for them. Try to show empathy and put yourself in their shoes and you will understand how they would be feeling.

Take this as a big lesson and make sure you have all the evidence and facts gathered before you accuse someone else again.

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2 | Make Sure You Are Not Shifting the Blame

It’s a natural human reaction to take credit for the positive things and blame others for the negative ones. Shifting the blame occurs mostly between couples, family members, and friends.

Because we have close ties to them. It makes blame shifting easier. Sometimes we take them for granted and sometimes they do the same to us.

For whatever reason, when you find yourself in an offensive mode, take time to re-evaluate the situation to make sure you are not projecting. Imagine a dynamic between a couple.

One partner gets caught cheating. Instead of apologizing and admitting, they try to blame the person for not giving them enough attention, for not doing this or that.

“Because you always treat me as such, I am not happy. It’s your fault that this happened”. That would be a terrible way to justify your actions.

If you are in this situation and finding yourself blaming your partner for everything, it means you are denying to look deeper into yourself and dig the source of the problem out.

Of course, some things don’t work out in a relationship. But it can’t simply be justified by putting all the weight on someone else’s shoulder because it takes two to tango.

Even in a situation as serious as cheating, firstly you need to apologize for cheating and secondly, you need to acknowledge the fact that there were communication problems and you didn’t do enough to express the things that were bothering you.

3 | Explain Why You Thought It Was This Person’s Fault

Hoping you have valid reasons as to why you accuse someone of something they haven’t done, put your facts out there and explain what exactly led you to believe it was their fault.

You should also allow the other person to explain themselves and you should be able to listen to them respectfully.

Acknowledge where you went wrong and let them know you are sorry for not communicating with them before more openly.

Take the responsibility for your wrongdoing. You should also find out why you subconsciously chose this particular person to blame and see if you are biased against them for any reason.

If so, take this as an opportunity to get over it and turn it into a life changing experience.

4 | Work on Your Self-esteem

If blaming others is a routine for you, this is a big sign that there is something you need to fix. That is your self-esteem.

You need to work on it to stand up on your own two feet again and take responsibility for your actions. Did you act out on embarrassment?

Was it fear? Was it some kind of prejudice against someone? Was it your ego? These are all the questions you need to answer to improve yourself.

Only then can you make healthy decisions and understand that it is OK to make mistakes and there is nothing to be angry about or ashamed for it.

When you are ready to talk to that person after you deal with your problems, no matter how long it takes, let them know that you would like to fix it if you can.

Maybe it will take years for you to see things clearly, but it is better late than never. And the person will be grateful that you took the time to think about things and fix the mistakes and apologize.

5 | Live With the Consequences

Depending on the severity of the situation you might or might not be forgiven. If the person whom you falsely accused is not ready to move on and forgive, the best thing to do would be to respect their wishes and live with the consequences.

If they are really mad at you for falsely blaming them and they don’t want to accept your apology, give them some time.

This will help them to calm down and maybe in the near future they might be ready to sit down and talk to you.

If this is not an option, you can try to send them and e-mail and explain things from your standpoint, and apologize.

You should also tell them exactly what caused you to believe it was their fault, but how you found out that it wasn’t and that you are genuinely sorry for upsetting and disappointing them.

Hopefully time will help them calm down and they will accept your apology, if not, there is nothing else that can be done other than moving on and taking a life lesson from your experience.

​Apologizing correctly, when you have incorrectly placed the blame on someone else, is the first step in the path toward making amends between you and the other person, and you and your conscience. Failing to do this may cause further, more permanent damage to your relationships and your reputation. We all make mistakes, and sometimes those mistakes hurt others. When it happens, a sincere and well-thought-out apology is always the best first step in repairing the relationship and recovering your integrity.

Blaming leads to more blaming just like lies lead to more lies. If left untreated, it becomes a behavioral pattern. It might have serious underlying causes like wanting to control everything, not willing to own our mistakes, lack of self-esteem, depression. We all have flaws and we all have lessons to learn. By practicing empathy and compassion, we develop a higher capacity for self-respect, self-control, and anger management.

Be a part of the solution, not the problem. Recognize and accept your responsibilities. Once you do, you will become more open-minded and objective. You will feel more balanced both mentally and emotionally.

At Never the Right Word, our aim is to give you practical examples of how to handle life’s difficult conversations. If you have an awkward situation that you’d like example templates for, request a topic here.   

If you’re interested in further reading, we’ve also included links to our trusted resources and related posts below. To find out more about NTRW and our recommended tools, you can do that here.  

Lastly, if you found this content helpful or want to share your own examples, let us know in the comments. We’d also be delighted if you shared this article and joined us on social media too!

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