3 Letters to Uninvite Someone From Your Wedding
Uninviting somebody from your wedding is likely to sever ties with that person for good. Extending an invitation to such a major life event, and then revoking it, sends a clear message that you want to end your relationship with the person in question.
That’s why before you take further action, it’s best that you consider whether what you’re about to do is worth dealing with the consequences. Generally, uninviting a guest to your wedding is seen as poor form and subsequently may not paint you in the best light.
That said, sometimes a dramatic argument or a traumatic experience is more than enough to validate disinviting somebody from your wedding. Not every disagreement is one that can easily be forgiven and if you feel that your wedding day would be spoilt by the presence of this guest or the circumstances, then uninviting this person may be your only option.
From another perspective, perhaps you got carried away with the whirlwind wedding preparations only to find out that your number of guests greatly exceeds your budget and now you have no choice but to cut said list down. The horror. So how do you get started doing it?
As you can imagine, the situation can be extremely tricky to navigate. On the one hand, it’s recommended that you never disinvite someone from your wedding via a text or email and instead opt for a phone call or a discussion in person.
However, if you simply can’t meet in person or are too angry to talk over the phone here’s where the following 3 letter templates may come in handy…
Letter 1 | Blame the Venue!
Dear Mrs/Mr X I really hope you’ve been well! I’m writing to you today with some deeply unfortunate news.
Our wedding venue has recently reached out to let us know that they’ve allowed us to overbook on the big day. We’ve been told that we need to significantly reduce our guest list or risk having the wedding cancelled and potentially losing our deposit, which is why we’ve had to send this letter.
We are deeply sorry, as we were really looking forward to sharing our special day with you. We hope that you understand the reasons behind this, and that we can see you very soon.
All the best,
Uninviting somebody from your wedding is an extremely difficult task. Sometimes, it is inevitable and completely non-personal, though it can still have a lasting or damaging effect on the relationship between yourself and the would-be attendee. If you’ve recently realized that you do NEED to uninvite someone from your wedding, though, one of the best ways to do so is simply by blaming the venue.
This is a guiltless and non-personal way of asking someone to not attend your wedding, meaning that it is less likely to cause any further conflict. It also allows you to provide a justified reason to ask someone to not attend, which could help to alleviate any pre-existing built-up tension.
One great advantage of using this letter is that it allows you to keep things diplomatic between everyone involved. Your guest should completely understand the reasoning behind asking them to not attend.
It is hugely important to express your regret and concern over your previous invitee’s non-attendance to make it feel like you are genuinely remorseful; this will act as a form of ‘damage control’, reassuring your friend that the decision to uninvite them was NOT a personal one.
If the attendee is familiar with the wedding venue, it might not be best to use this script. Instead, why not try using a forgotten family member as a last-minute get-out clause?
Letter 2 | The Family Clause
Dear Mrs/Mr X
How have you been? I look forward to meeting with you soon.
As you’re aware, myself and [partner’s name] are due to tie the knot. Unfortunately, there have been some major complications with the guest list.
It’s become apparent that we’ve forgotten to invite [important family member], and it would ruin the day if they were not present. In order to accommodate them, we will need to shorten our guest list.
It was an incredibly difficult decision, but we will have to ask you to not attend the wedding. I really hope you understand the reasons for our decision.
Please feel free to get in touch whenever you wish, I would love to have a catch-up.
All the best,
We all know that family comes first!
This script works incredibly well if both you and your partner have large families; it can be difficult to keep count of which distant relatives, in-laws, step-siblings, aunts, and uncles have already been invited. It isn’t uncommon for certain details to slip the mind…
Your family will likely be a HUGE part of your life, and as such, will be thrilled at the opportunity to attend your wedding! Your guests should understand the importance of your relatives being present on the big day, so they should completely understand why they are being asked not to come.
This template remains polite and tactful, encouraging you to maintain an ongoing relationship with the invitee. By asking them to meet soon, and by reminding them that they can contact you whenever they want, you’re reinforcing the idea that you don’t want this to be the end of your relationship.
It’s incredibly important to stress how difficult the decision was to make; you don’t want your guest to feel as if they were an easy choice of person to uninvite. By playing on the guilt you feel towards having to send the letter, you can reassure the invitee that their presence will be missed.
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Letter 3 | Be Honest (if it’s a personal issue)
Dear Mrs/Mr X
I’m writing to you today to ask that you not attend our wedding on the [date]. It is incredibly difficult to do this, but it’s important for you to understand why.
Due to your recent conduct, in which you [explain reasons], myself and [partner] have agreed that it would be inappropriate for you to be in attendance.
Again, I’d like to express my apologies, and I hope we can catch up soon.
Sometimes you might feel as if you have absolutely no choice but to uninvite someone from your wedding. This could be down to a variety of things – from massive, nasty arguments down to criminal convictions. At the end of the day, if you’d feel more comfortable if a guest were to not attend, that’s your choice. It’s your big day, after all!
If somebody has upset you to the point that you no longer wish for them to attend your wedding, you should let them know exactly why. They could be oblivious to the fact that they’ve upset you, which might mean they could possibly do the same thing again in the future.
This template is a great way to let your invitee know exactly why you would prefer them to stay at home. It can be adaptable to any reason, making it a versatile response to nearly any scenario.
One reason to use this letter template is that it allows you to directly explain, in no uncertain terms, that this is entirely down to their own actions, which could significantly reduce the following fallout. You also let them know that it would be inappropriate for them to attend, implying that more people would be upset if they were to ignore the letter and attend the wedding anyway.
Despite the fact that you’re asking an invitee to refrain from attending, you should still make an effort to be apologetic. If you tell them that it was a difficult decision to make, they will understand that a great deal of thought went into the decision.
At Never the Right Word, our aim is to give you practical examples of how to handle life’s difficult conversations. If you have an awkward situation that you’d like example templates for, request a topic here.
Lastly, if you found this content helpful or want to share your own examples, let us know in the comments. We’d also be delighted if you shared this article and joined us on social media too!
Never the Right Word
Hi there! I’m Amy, and I’m the person behind Never the Right Word. I’m a designer-by-day who’s fascinated by human psychology; you’ll find me learning about what makes others tick through all types of media and good old-fashioned conversation. Learn more about me here.
In 2019 Never the Right Word was born to fill the gap of ‘how-to’ websites with copy and paste examples showing you EXACTLY what you need to say to steer difficult conversations into positive outcomes.
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