While it’s sometimes best to stay out of other people’s business, there are times when you simply have to step in and help mediate an argument between friends or loved ones. Of course, say the wrong thing and they’ll quickly feel like you’re taking sides or making the issue worse. Here are some ideas on what you should say to get things resolved.

Script 1 | Hear Everyone’s Side of the Story

Can you tell me how this started? I would like to understand things from your point of view.

Depending on the feud, there may be children or other family members and friends who are being affected by a fight. They can offer their own point-of-view on what happened and it’s important to understand how they feel about it, too. This can help you resolve the feud later while giving each individual the chance to sort their feelings out in private.

Script 2 | Get Everyone on Talking Terms

Let’s go clockwise and hear everyone’s take. Can we agree to not interrupt?

They may not be willing to listen to each other yet, but if you can hear everyone out, it will give you a better foundation for meditating on the problem because you’ll actually understand it.

Most likely, someone will interrupt (especially if there are more than two people involved), but this gives you the chance to start at the beginning so you’re up to speed with what needs to be fixed. It lets everyone lay their feelings out on the table, so to speak after they have had time to think things over individually.

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Script 3 | Try to Find the Underlying Issue

This feels like a small part of a bigger problem, have you felt this way before?

Are these negative feelings new or have they been building for a while?

Your friends might be fighting because one of them made a joke that hurt the other’s feelings, but maybe there’s more to the story. Are they always making jabs at each other? Perhaps one feels self-conscious and they brought up a sensitive issue. Most likely, there is a deeper reason behind the squabble, and it’s important to address it if you want to avoid future fights and tension.

Script 4 | Stay Focused on Progress

Let’s not use words like that, they aren’t productive.

Let’s keep our voices calm, we’re working to solve this.

By saying things like this, you can keep everyone focused on making progress towards a resolution. After someone makes a genuine statement, you should also paraphrase their thoughts so they know they have been heard and understood. This keeps the discussion moving.

Script 5 | Ask What Would Fix It

I understand what happened, but it can’t be changed. What will resolve this?

Sometimes, to solve a problem all you have to do is ask the people involved how they want the problem solved. This line may work best if you’re speaking to just one person in private, perhaps the one who’s most upset. You can then ask the other person as well, and that will help you get to the bottom of what happened and, more importantly, find a solution that pleases everyone.

Be Patient

Solving any type of feud takes time and a mountain of understanding from all sides. But, the longer you let a feud brew, the worse the problem will become. That’s why you should always use this kind of statement to get to the bottom of the issue and avoid “bandaid” solutions that will only cause the problem to erupt again in the near future.​

At Never the Right Word, our aim is to give you practical examples of how to handle life’s difficult conversations. If you have an awkward situation that you’d like example templates for, request a topic here.  

If you’re interested in further reading, we’ve also included links to our trusted resources and related posts below. To find out more about NTRW and our recommended tools, you can do that here.

Lastly, if you found this content helpful or want to share your own examples, let us know in the comments. We’d also be delighted if you shared this article and joined us on social media too!

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